I know this is a corny line -
But won’t you be my Valentine?
The pay ain’t much, it must be said …
But there’s a lot of time in bed!
When I first saw you, sloshed with gin,
I thought the cat had dragged you in;
But now you look, without a doubt,
Like something cats would all leave out.
To a barrel of lard:
Here’s a Valentine card.
I hope this card most truly fits
To show my love is true -
I quite adore those bulgy bits
You have in front of you.
You should not feel despair:
This card is to make a bit of a fuss,
And show someone does care!
Violet’s are blue,
Your ones will shrink, dilly dilly,
When they’re cold, too!
Oh, darling, just a little line
To ask you won’t you please be mine –
A diamond one would be ideal,
But gold mines also have appeal!
(Which have all just burnt out)
Your teeth are like pearls
(Yes, the black ones, no doubt)
Your hair is a feature
Which I like the best
(A pity that most of it
Grows on your chest)
Your lips are like wine
Of which poets have talked
(How sad that your bottle
Is so badly corked)
Your ears are like shells
That one finds on the shore
(Those dirty great clam-shells
I rather abhor)
Your figure is rounded
(And quite like a ball)
Your feet are so dainty
(All shoes are too small)
But from all this loveliness
I must abstain…
(She’s a good side more ugly
Than what she is plain.)
I’d write a poem if I had time;
But I’ve a game of golf to play,
So I’ll do that some other day!
© Colonialist Feb 2009 (Blogs24) Feb 2013 (WordPress)