REALLY AWFUL GENERAL-PURPOSE INSULT


 

The prompt for today from NaPoWriMo is to “write a poem consisting entirely of things you’d like to say, but never would, to a parent, lover, sibling, child, teacher, roommate, best friend, mayor, president, corporate CEO, etc.”  My response is aimed, very generally, at anyone I don’t particularly like:

 You quite unmitigated twit,
You aperture on which we sit,
And other parts quite near the bit
From which emerges all your … lit-
-tle chunks with such an awful smell
(And which you could be called as well,
In fact, if one the truth must tell!)
You should be kept inside a zoo,
Except that all the warthogs do
Not want to be observed with you,
Because you’re far too ugly to:
They’d run away pell-mell! 

You’re such a lump of toxic waste,
That everyone who’s with you faced
Departs in quite some frantic haste
And far from you thereafter’s placed;
No brains are found within your head,
But something there has been long dead -
(Your breath proves this, it may be said!)
Romance for you will not exist,
For even if a partner’s pissed
You are not going to be kissed;
So, as you never will be missed,
Go shoot yourself, instead!

On a lighter, or greener, note, we spent most of the day in judging gardens in a local retirement village, and here are a couple of those viewed:

Doone Village April 2013 091 Doone Village April 2013 026 Doone Village April 2013 063 © Colonialist April 2013 (WordPress)

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About colonialist

Active septic geranium who plays with words writing fantasy novels, with notes writing classical music, and with riding cycles, horses and dinghies.
This entry was posted in Challenge, Gardens, Humour, Nonsense verse, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme. Bookmark the permalink.

37 Responses to REALLY AWFUL GENERAL-PURPOSE INSULT

  1. optie says:

    Very witty poems Col, trouble is it would probably go right over the head of the intended recipient :)
    I want your job judging gardens, what a pleasure to be among all that beauty of nature tamed.

    Like

  2. Zirkie says:

    Lovely gardens, Col! …. but the poem? …. no,no, no!

    Like

  3. Did it feel good to get that off your chest? I can imagine – feel it all the way up here! ;)
    Let the light green mellow things down, these gardens are very nice.

    Like

  4. Well that certainly is telling ‘em. Beautiful gardens!

    Like

  5. susielindau says:

    Do you feel better now???
    The garden is a serene contrast! :)

    Like

  6. I sincerely hope you never fall out with me. Masterly put down!

    Like

  7. 68ghia says:

    Spectacular!!
    Both the poem and the gardens ;-)

    Like

  8. Sonel says:

    Exactly how I feel Col and you’re expressed it so well! Love the photo’s of the gardens my friend. They’re beautiful. :) *hugs*

    Like

  9. bulldog says:

    Geeez… someone pissed you off… love the gardens…

    Like

  10. nrhatch says:

    Bwahaha! But how do you REALLY feel?

    Like

  11. Arkenaten says:

    Ah…and now I see the relevance of the comprehensive insult. :)
    Pell-mell. I haven’t heard that expression in years. One of those that rank alongside doolally.
    The gardens are beautiful. There’s a gardening program on Thursday mornings on SABC 3. Ever watched it?
    It’s a good show. Worth a look.

    Like

  12. Colline says:

    You poem expresses exactly the reaction I have to some people. After meeting up with them I surely need to relax in those stunning gardens.

    Like

  13. melouisef says:

    I know a few humans that I can send this to :)

    What stunning gardens!

    Like

  14. SidevieW says:

    eeeek,
    I think I will stay with the gardens

    Like

  15. Goodness! You don’t pull your punches, Col! Remind me to stay firmly on your good side!

    Like

  16. bluebee says:

    I love a good insult. Reading this was cathartic, haha. And then all those thoughts disappeared when looking at those lovely photos :-)

    Like

  17. footsy2 says:

    Gorgeous gardens. Poor Col. You have such a tough life. :-)

    Like

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