REALLY AWFUL (RHYMING!) ERASURE


 

For NaPoWriMo prompt today
Erasure is required:
From famous work you chop away
To get effect desired. 

Well, how about I try ‘The Brook’,
But how to get the timing?
I really want the thing to look
As though it is still rhyming. 

I know!  I’ll keep first verse intact,
Then skip through to the ending
To put the last one in; in fact
Thus rhyme needs no amending. 

 Brook

So: ‘… come from haunts of coot and hern,
I make a sudden sally
And sparkle out among the fern,
To bicker down a valley.’ 

(Eleven stanzas I leave out,
As ones that are not needed,
Until the last one comes about,
And, Yay!  I have succeeded!) 

‘And out again I curve and flow
To join the brimming river
For men may come and men may go,
But I go on for ever.’ 

This isn’t what there was in mind?
You want new stuff created?
Well, really, this is most unkind,
And unanticipated! 

© Colonialist April 2013 (WordPress)

 

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About colonialist

Active septic geranium who plays with words writing fantasy novels, with notes writing classical music, and with riding cycles, horses and dinghies.
This entry was posted in Challenge, Nature, Photography, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to REALLY AWFUL (RHYMING!) ERASURE

  1. adinparadise says:

    Do you never stop rhyming, Col? :) I think Tennyson would be very amused, if he wasn’t turning in his grave. :D

  2. 68ghia says:

    I am quite astonished at how you are able to make everything rhyme Col.
    Me, I lose steam by about the third row ;-)

  3. When I read your last stanza,

    “This isn’t what there was in mind?
    You want new stuff created?
    Well, really, this is most unkind,
    And unanticipated! ”

    I sense a dis-satisfaction with the ‘unanticipated’. Why should this be so? Is not that which is not anticipated, a vehicle of our creativity? Does it not hold the promise of new possibilities?

    Shakti

    • colonialist says:

      This is pointing to the irony, because what I have done is not really proper erasure which would be to create a new poem out of the fragments. I have simply chopped the middle out. With those lines I am pretending to be surprised and disappointed that it is not acceptable!

  4. Are you getting tired, Col? Only a few more days to go!

  5. Colline says:

    Your verses make me laugh :)

  6. Barb says:

    I had to look up coot and hern. Now that I know what it is…it’s really quite clever, isn’t it?

  7. Sonel says:

    hehe, well done Col! Love the photo as well. :) *hugs*

  8. melouisef says:

    I really had to smile here.

  9. nrhatch says:

    Hahaha! Well done, indeed! :D

  10. Very clever indeed, Col. Love the shortcut as much as the verses you have adapted :-)

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