With far more important things to do, I started inventing a Sullivan-type little tune, and the following Gilbert-type lines came into my head to go with it:
When a maiden’s not a maiden any longer
And a stud’s a little button at the most
The more important things got shoved aside, and I found myself seeing what I could make of it. My result appears below. Anyone else prepared to pick up those lines and give their version? Just a couple added will do.
When a man is growing thicker round the middle,
But narrower around the upper part;
When a lady’s bust is playing second fiddle –
She has two pies, where once she looked a tart –
When a maiden’s not a maiden any longer,
And a stud’s a little button at the most,
It just serves to make their inclinations stronger,
Even though they’ve so much less of which to boast.
She will overlook the fact that she now wobbles
In places that she never did before;
He’s now got to where he never ever troubles
To stop himself from sounding like a bore;
She’s convinced she is now comfortably padded
While he feels that he tells fascinating tales;
She won’t realise her dress needs something added,
And he doesn’t know that his completely fails.
If only they could swap their false perceptions,
If only she could view him as he does
If she could just adopt his self-deceptions,
And see a scalp of hair instead of fuzz;
If only he could find her as alluring
As she so fondly thinks herself to be,
They’d have romance which would be as enduring
As anything on earth could ever be!
© July 2011 Colonialist (Letterdash/WordPress)