REALLY AWFUL ENGLISH LESSEN


As I have been, and am, kinda tied up with many matters including 48th Wedding Anniversary (yesterday) birthday of Much Better Half (today) and preparations to go to Golden Gate over the weekend, here is an amplified repost from 24.com of January 2008. I remember that using a jocularly insulting form in rhymes and comments at the time caused quite a few people to get their knockers in a knit. I truly don’t intend it as an exercise in how to make enemies and outfluence people!

Although this all too likely begs
For quite a rude reply,
Like: ‘Teach your grammar to suck eggs!’
But still I have to try;
My tips have fallen on deaf ears –
You are a stupid bunch!
When education looms, one fears,
Your brains go out to lunch.

I’ve told you, oh so many times,
That what is lost you lose
(The word appropriately rhymes
With choose to snooze and booze);
Yet ‘loose’ is what you often write,
But that means what’s untied;
You loosen what is tied up tight –
Loose morals quite aside!

And it’s a shame its qualities
Are hopelessly ignored;
Its patent abnormalities
It’s vital be restored!
For “it’s” can only mean “it is”
While “its” “it” will possess –
A Dictionary word is this,
Like “his” and “hers”, then? Yes!

A vital “S” is much abused
By many of you here;
Remember that it must be used
On noun or verb the rear –
“Dogs bark” – the “S” to “dogs” must go,
But when “a dog barks”, then
It’s “barks” that precious “S” must show –
So don’t slip up again!

Of course, that’s subject, present tense
But, when for object, past,
Leave “S” off verb for proper sense –
It makes a difference vast!
“I heard the dog bark” is correct,
But “heard the dogs bark”, too;
Or, otherwise, the wrong effect
That wretched “S” will do.

© January 2008 Colonialist (24.com Blogs)

About colonialist

Active septic geranium who plays with words writing fantasy novels and professionally editing, with notes writing classical music, and with riding a mountain bike, horses and dinghies. Recently Indie Publishing has been added to this list.
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10 Responses to REALLY AWFUL ENGLISH LESSEN

  1. Nicola says:

    Happy Anniversary – wishing you many wonderful years ahead 🙂 Great poem !

    Like

  2. Taking notes, Col, taking notes.
    Happy anniversary….

    Like

  3. adeeyoyo says:

    Happy Wedding Anniversary to both Mr and Mrs Col for yesterday and Birthday wishes to Mrs Col for today. Enjoy – sorry I’m a bit late!

    Like

  4. Tilly Bud says:

    How rude of me! I enjoyed your poem so much I forgot to offer my hearty congratulations on your anniversary; and to wish Mrs Colonialist a happy birthday.

    Like

  5. Tilly Bud says:

    I love it! Do you mind if I print this out for my notebook? Not for the reminder, I hasten to add; but because it’s fun.

    See the corect uuse of the apostrophe their?

    Heehee!

    Now I have to re-type that sentence in case you think I am ignorant:

    See the correct use of the apostrophe there?

    Like

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