REALLY AWFULLY CHEAP RHYME

–

(Now, this two-ninety-worder
Could scarcely be absurder;
So at your peril read it –
Trifecta will not heed it!) 

Dick’s uncle, very rich, was cheap;
But Dick, as the sole heir
Was not inclined to lose much sleep
By doubting what was there
Would duly flow into his hands
As soon as old man snuffed,
But uncle went to foreign lands,
And Dick was truly stuffed. 

For uncle told a mutual friend,
‘That boy’s a spendthrift, see;
I’d never give, bequeath or lend
A cent to such as he!’
Then nunky married dolly chick
Of aurum fossor* kind,
Dick thought it would be rather quick
‘Fore Uncle Charles would find
That he was utterly cleaned out
By predatory wife;
He should have known without a doubt
That wife would spend her life
Not getting paws on half a cent
With which to have a splurge,
For Charlie quite ballistic went
If she had such an urge!
And so she left him: what a laugh
With alimony games –
Appearing on his own behalf
He shot her down in flames.

Then Dick received a letter
From Charles to let him know
His prospects were no better
Because she’d had to go;
So Dick, responding, sent him
Canary in a cage,
And Charles thought that he meant him
As friend in his old age. 

So, touched, to sign a will he goes,
Where Dick gets all the loot,
Not long thereafter, turns up toes
Within each shabby boot;
Then lawyer read his last bequest,
And how his heart had changed
So very greatly for the best
When Dick that bird arranged. 

Dick took canary home OK;
Said, laughing, ‘That was deep!
I only gave this bird that way
My dear old uncle back to pay;
It knew exactly what to say:
Repeatedly, on every day,
To tell him he was, ‘Cheep!’ 

*gold-digger 

Colonialist March 2012 (Letterdash/WordPress)