REALLY AWFUL NEWS COMMENTARY

 

TOTS GO ON RAMPAGE

  Children at the Little Sweethearts Nursery School staged demonstrations today during which they burnt school emblems and destroyed stuff.  They also threatened the staff. 

  Their protest was apparently sparked off by the showing of a movie which suggested that fairies are not real and that some are based on noxious insects.  A spokesman said, ‘Gowawa blop; wanna mommy, wah-h-h!’ …

  (We apologise for inserting the wrong clip. Correction:) …

A spokesman said, ‘We know fairies are really real for real.  Anyone who says they are not real is a poo-poo!’

  School staff declined to comment at first, but were heard to remark that if they were still in the good old days the demonstrators would have been well-spanked and sent to bed without any supper.

  A later official announcement said, however, that they didn’t think people should say that fairies aren’t real, even if they aren’t.

 

UNDERGROUND MOVEMENT

  Meanwhile, in South Africa, scientific findings support that long periods underground undermine, appropriately, intelligence to moronic levels.  The victims of the syndrome are enabled to believe the most absurd claims.  This fact has been realised, ahead of the scientific community, by a group of self-seeking agitators who are successfully persuading the workers to run real risks of having no jobs whatsoever. 

  Sources inside this group have revealed that the next stage will be demands for each miner to receive a basic equivalent of the SA President’s take-home pay.  (Not counting ‘perks’, hareem etc.)

  On the positive side, it is rumoured that ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ is considering making the miners an offer to perform in a new series of the show, which will feature groups. 

 

THE ENVIRONMENT CAN GO AND GET FRACKED

  Shell and the SA Government must be competing for the record of the stupidest groups of all time for considering, for a nanosecond, that fracking for minerals should take place in an area as ecologically sensitive as the Karoo.   

  A basic aspect of fracking is that it uses water.  Lots and lots of the stuff.  Even if it doesn’t pollute it (which it generally does) it displaces it. 

  Right.  Surprise, surprise.  The Karoo is known as a pretty dry area, right?  No brainpower or scientific knowledge is needed to tell where that takes us.

  Both groups are, in fact, relying on a majority of wekkers-on-the-ground deciding that they want work and money today, and too bad if no pieces are left for the kids or grandkids to pick up tomorrow. 

 © Colonialist September 2012 (WordPress)