ROONESPISMS UNEXPURGATED AND AMPLIFIED, AND OTHER REALLY AWFUL THINGIES


 

It is the time of the year when Nature sends lots of creatures rushing energetically, like the dragonflies in the previous post.  We have the Toad Chorus going on at the moment and when we were in the pool this afternoon I caught a tid (what I call a finger-nail-sized toad) to show R and J, who were delighted with it.   (A similarly sized frog is, of course, a frig.)

 Our next door neighbour had to call in the snake people to remove an over-bold mamba some 2,5 metres long.  When they reach a certain age they become less afraid of humans and that is when it is a good idea to relocate them to areas where there are less humans not to be afraid of.

 Scorpion 012

Scorpion 014

Scorpion 017

Then, this chap wandered into the kitchen this morning so I took his portraits and then relocated him to an area away from the house, after pointing him out to little J as a ‘nasty, nasty nunu’.   Isn’t that a mean little sting? 

 And now, at the request of so many adoring fans, comes the rest of the Really Awful lysdexic rhyme previously posted and removed and reposted.  Read at own risk.

 Tell me bat in bog goes squelching,
I’d give squat in bog goes belching;
And from birds which chirp in trees
I’d make turds which burp in cheese!

 Don’t give me a stunt that’s cunning –
Polly joking with much funning –
Or a droop’ly prying trick
Might just have you ducking sick!

 She gets food; I see her nanny –
Crook or nanny that is canny!
Should I now shuck off a bit,
Lest it has you throwing fit?

 © January 2013 Colonialist (WordPress)

 

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About colonialist

Active septic geranium who plays with words writing fantasy novels and professionally editing, with notes writing classical music, and with riding a mountain bike, horses and dinghies. Recently Indie Publishing has been added to this list.
This entry was posted in Humour, Language, Nature, Personal Journal, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

33 Responses to ROONESPISMS UNEXPURGATED AND AMPLIFIED, AND OTHER REALLY AWFUL THINGIES

  1. Arkenaten says:

    Classic Col. I had to refit my false teeth twice reading it!

    Nice shot of the scorpion. We get tiny ones around our spot – about the length of my thumb – how big was this feller?

    Like

  2. Did you ever find out who turned you in for the poem? Someone without a sense of humor? Very clever..I did have to read it twice to be sure I found the offending lines…I found them! I just wasn’t offended. I am tremendously curious about how you survive with all these creatures about you! Snakes? Scorpions? I hope the frogs aren’t poisonous!

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    • colonialist says:

      It is still a total mystery. I see it has survived, this time.
      We also have some rather nasty spiders and centipedes, and even the red millipedes exude a burny substance, but fortunately the frogs and toads are not poisonous. Nor are the crabs that wander inside sometimes.

      Like

  3. Ruth2Day says:

    Holy Moly, that one would have had me questioning my nerve to relocate it! good photos of him though 🙂

    Like

  4. The Asian says:

    I’ve never seen a real scorpion before, I’ve always only seen them in pictures.
    As for the poem, I love it!

    Like

  5. Aaargh! I can’t believe you went near the thing!

    Like

  6. adeeyoyo says:

    The poem is hilarious, Col. (I hope I’m not giving away my wide vocabulary unduly, lol.) That red bulb at the tip of his tail should be ample warning not to trifle with Mr Scorpion with his crab-like pincers! Brilliant pics!

    Like

  7. adinparadise says:

    Yikes! That scorpion is really bloodcurdling and spine-chilling. What a sight to see whilst sipping my green tea at breakfast. I love the ‘frigs and tids’. 😆

    Like

  8. Scorpions and snakes…very scary.

    Like

  9. optie says:

    Had a good chuckle at your awful rhyme but that scorpion gave me the “grills”

    Like

  10. 68ghia says:

    Loved the awful rhyme 😉
    The scorpion less so…
    They are fearsome looking creatures. I got stung by one once, many moons ago. Only a little one, probably not even an inch in length, but it packed quite a punch and it kept on stinging – can still feel it, 30 years later!!

    Like

  11. Harmony says:

    And that is why I will NEVER date a Scorpio! You’re very brave to have got so close.
    As for the rhyme – very profound, thought not very profane 😉

    Like

  12. Pussycat44 says:

    You are not Bluffing about those creatures in your garden, are you?

    Like

  13. newsferret says:

    That is some scorpion that came visiting.

    Like

  14. nrhatch says:

    Now I’ve got the shudders! 😯
    From the reptiles, not your poem.

    Like

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