Training the young by really awfully earnest, learned and decorous examples.

I am ever conscious of the need to maintain a dignified grandfatherly presence in order to offer an example of how seriously life must be taken, and to instil culture and education in my grandchildren.  An example may be drawn from a typical scene in the car, travelling home after little J and I have collected young R from playschool. 

Me *sings*:

‘Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream …’

J (gleefully):

‘Row-row-row-row-row!’

R *sings*:

‘If you see a crocodile …’

J beams, and she and I both take in deep breaths.

R:

‘Don’t forget to scream!’

Me:

‘AAAAAAAAAARGH!!!’

J & R:

‘EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!’ (Think incredibly high-pitched, here.)

 R got the above adaptation of the song from school.  However she and I have developed it further, and the verses we go on with are as follows:

Row, row, row your boat … 

… Gently down the brook,
If a ghost is lurking there,
Don’t forget to spook! 

… Gently down the river,
If you see piranha fish,
Don’t forget to shiver! 

… Gently down the dam,
If you see a hippo there,
Don’t forget to scram! 

… Gently down the lake,
If you see a monster there,
Don’t forget to quake! 

… Gently on the sea,
If you see a great white shark …
Quickly climb a tree! 

All verses are accompanied by suitable miming – restricted, in my case, to what is possible while giving due attention to driving. 

Are you not filled with admiration at such dedication to culture and the higher things? Especially the screams: those definitely are!  So much healthier to entertain them with high screams rather than ice creams, not so?

(Don’t forget to vote in the Caption Competition below!) 

© Colonialist March 2013 (WordPress)