A complete lack of time I fear I have
To thank for the fact that my verse
Now must needs be blank;
I haven’t had the slightest
Opportunity for forming any
Rhyme, even of low degree,
And therefore there is simply
Not the faintest
Chance that the cause of poetry
May here well advance;
Instead will trickle
For the joy of bourgeoisie, some verse
Which one describes as loose, or very free!
See, no rhyme … or is there?
The same words and word order, but a rearrangement of the lines and the creation of stanzas and we have:
A complete lack of time
I fear I have to thank
For the fact that my verse
Now must needs be blank.
I haven’t had the
Slightest opportunity
For forming any
Rhyme, even of low degree.
And therefore there is simply
Not the faintest chance
That the cause of poetry
May here well advance.
Instead will trickle for the
Joy of the bourgeoisie,
Some verse which one describes as
Loose, or very free!
Today I wandered round some suburban properties which took quite a lot of wandering round. Here is an example of a small section of one. The splash of blue is a fair-sized swimming pool, so you get some idea of the scale. Talk about getting lost in the woods in one’s own back garden! Another gardener in the area has a picture of a Palm-nut vulture sitting happily on a stump in her ‘back yard’. I didn’t even know we got those birds here, and they are not exactly what one would expect in an urban environment.
© Colonialist April 2013 (WordPress)
Have you put “Slam” poetry in its place? If so please direct me to your post.
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To tell the truth, I hadn’t come across ‘slam’ – but now that I’ve looked into it there seems a lot of scope for ribald ridicule!
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Ribald ridicule – now that’s a program I can get with in a flash ! I look forward to your satiric appraisal.
https://connecthook.wordpress.com/2014/07/06/slamming-slam-poetry/
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Clever! And gorgeous.
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Thanks for that! With me writing (almost) serious poetry, no doubt the sky is going to fall on our heads …
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There were still some rhymes in your first version, whether you realised it or not:
thank/blank – inner rhyme (despite my years of study and writing, the technical term escapes me today)
slightest/faintest & any/degree/simply/poetry/free, even bourgeoisie
You are a poet whether you like it or not 🙂
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The point is that ALL the rhyme was in the original version. It is word-for-word identical. They were just hidden by the different line lengths and lack of stanzas.
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My point is that they weren’t hidden. I could still hear them.
Internal rhyme! That’s what I meant.
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Right – you are sensitive to it, then. I bet most people totally lost it.
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I write poetry every day; I guess you get an ear for it.
Sorry if I put you out – I meant it as a compliment. Guess I’m not sensitive to everything 🙂
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I wasn’t put out – just a bit puzzled!
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😀
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It is the sunshine that draws me,, the country green is enhanced so much with sun..:)
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That’s a garden and a half all right. The trees do it for me. Beautiful.
And your verse…very clever, as usual.
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I would LOVE a garden like that. I have never met anyone ever who can wiggle words around the way you do! Love it.
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Gosh that garden could be a golf course fairway… love the poem revision… you make it all seem far to easy…
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Interesting to see how the placement of words can affect the whole feel of a poem.
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It makes a lot of difference, doesn’t it?
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It does. Shows the necessity to edit.
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Good heavens!! That looks like a farm rather than a suburban garden!
Beautiful – would be my ultimate dream – I would just have much less grass 😉
Cute poem Col – without even trying I presume!
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The properties were amazingly large, and the lawns were in proportion – there was lots of other stuff going on.
Poems are so easy if they don’t have to rhyme … oh yes, this one did anyway!
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I think the non-rhyming ones are more difficult to fashion well
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