The prompt for today from NaPoWriMo is to “write a poem consisting entirely of things you’d like to say, but never would, to a parent, lover, sibling, child, teacher, roommate, best friend, mayor, president, corporate CEO, etc.” My response is aimed, very generally, at anyone I don’t particularly like:
You quite unmitigated twit,
You aperture on which we sit,
And other parts quite near the bit
From which emerges all your … lit-
-tle chunks with such an awful smell
(And which you could be called as well,
In fact, if one the truth must tell!)
You should be kept inside a zoo,
Except that all the warthogs do
Not want to be observed with you,
Because you’re far too ugly to:
They’d run away pell-mell!
You’re such a lump of toxic waste,
That everyone who’s with you faced
Departs in quite some frantic haste
And far from you thereafter’s placed;
No brains are found within your head,
But something there has been long dead –
(Your breath proves this, it may be said!)
Romance for you will not exist,
For even if a partner’s pissed
You are not going to be kissed;
So, as you never will be missed,
Go shoot yourself, instead!
On a lighter, or greener, note, we spent most of the day in judging gardens in a local retirement village, and here are a couple of those viewed:
Very witty poems Col, trouble is it would probably go right over the head of the intended recipient 🙂
I want your job judging gardens, what a pleasure to be among all that beauty of nature tamed.
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The downside is the stress of giving accurate marks!
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Lovely gardens, Col! …. but the poem? …. no,no, no!
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They are …
Can’t you see how useful it is? 🙂
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Yes, it might be useful, but it is sooooo rude! 😉
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Did it feel good to get that off your chest? I can imagine – feel it all the way up here! 😉
Let the light green mellow things down, these gardens are very nice.
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A vicious rant does one a world of good now and again!
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Well that certainly is telling ’em. Beautiful gardens!
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Do you feel better now???
The garden is a serene contrast! 🙂
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I sincerely hope you never fall out with me. Masterly put down!
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I am on one of my hyphen crusades, and have just been preaching on a Nancy Hatch post. Put down or put-down? 🙂
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I’ll be honest – I hesitated when I wrote it! But I Googled it and couldn’t find it with a hyphen; so: put down.
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It is one of the tricky combinations with too many meanings. As a verb, put down can be to place something held, suppress, ‘euthenase’, record, or snub – and more. As a noun meaning a snub or criticism though, it has to be put-down according to OED.
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OK, thanks 😀
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Spectacular!!
Both the poem and the gardens 😉
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Spectacularly awful and spectacularly good!
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Exactly how I feel Col and you’re expressed it so well! Love the photo’s of the gardens my friend. They’re beautiful. 🙂 *hugs*
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Thanks!
The old dears (oops – some of them are a good deal younger than I am) really enjoy keeping up their gardens, and they have an enthusiastic committee.
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I am sure they do Col. Always great to see beauty like this. 🙂
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Geeez… someone pissed you off… love the gardens…
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Just getting ready for when anyone does!
I took nearly 100 shots in one morning …
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Bwahaha! But how do you REALLY feel?
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MUCH better for having directed those insults! I hope some of those who deserve them, see them – but it won’t happen because bloggers are too nice a bunch.
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Ah…and now I see the relevance of the comprehensive insult. 🙂
Pell-mell. I haven’t heard that expression in years. One of those that rank alongside doolally.
The gardens are beautiful. There’s a gardening program on Thursday mornings on SABC 3. Ever watched it?
It’s a good show. Worth a look.
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One sometimes needs to delve into antiquity for a rhyming word!
I haven’t seen that one but will try to.
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You poem expresses exactly the reaction I have to some people. After meeting up with them I surely need to relax in those stunning gardens.
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So much more relaxing after telling such people that!
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I know a few humans that I can send this to
🙂
What stunning gardens!
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Feel free to make their day – deservedly miserable!
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eeeek,
I think I will stay with the gardens
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You don’t want a discounted copy of my beautiful insult?
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Goodness! You don’t pull your punches, Col! Remind me to stay firmly on your good side!
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Sadly, the people I would most like to recite this to wouldn’t even register what they had been called …
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I love a good insult. Reading this was cathartic, haha. And then all those thoughts disappeared when looking at those lovely photos 🙂
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Oh dear. I went and ruined the effect.
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Gorgeous gardens. Poor Col. You have such a tough life. 🙂
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Actually, marking 11 gardens was rather tough work – and involved a LOT of walking!
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