REALLY AWFUL (RHYMING!) ERASURE


 

For NaPoWriMo prompt today
Erasure is required:
From famous work you chop away
To get effect desired. 

Well, how about I try ‘The Brook’,
But how to get the timing?
I really want the thing to look
As though it is still rhyming. 

I know!  I’ll keep first verse intact,
Then skip through to the ending
To put the last one in; in fact
Thus rhyme needs no amending. 

 Brook

So: ‘… come from haunts of coot and hern,
I make a sudden sally
And sparkle out among the fern,
To bicker down a valley.’ 

(Eleven stanzas I leave out,
As ones that are not needed,
Until the last one comes about,
And, Yay!  I have succeeded!) 

‘And out again I curve and flow
To join the brimming river
For men may come and men may go,
But I go on for ever.’ 

This isn’t what there was in mind?
You want new stuff created?
Well, really, this is most unkind,
And unanticipated! 

© Colonialist April 2013 (WordPress)

 

About colonialist

Active septic geranium who plays with words writing fantasy novels and professionally editing, with notes writing classical music, and with riding a mountain bike, horses and dinghies.
This entry was posted in Challenge, Nature, Photography, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to REALLY AWFUL (RHYMING!) ERASURE

  1. adinparadise says:

    Do you never stop rhyming, Col? :) I think Tennyson would be very amused, if he wasn’t turning in his grave. :D

    Like

  2. 68ghia says:

    I am quite astonished at how you are able to make everything rhyme Col.
    Me, I lose steam by about the third row ;-)

    Like

  3. When I read your last stanza,

    “This isn’t what there was in mind?
    You want new stuff created?
    Well, really, this is most unkind,
    And unanticipated! ”

    I sense a dis-satisfaction with the ‘unanticipated’. Why should this be so? Is not that which is not anticipated, a vehicle of our creativity? Does it not hold the promise of new possibilities?

    Shakti

    Like

    • colonialist says:

      This is pointing to the irony, because what I have done is not really proper erasure which would be to create a new poem out of the fragments. I have simply chopped the middle out. With those lines I am pretending to be surprised and disappointed that it is not acceptable!

      Like

  4. Are you getting tired, Col? Only a few more days to go!

    Like

  5. Colline says:

    Your verses make me laugh :)

    Like

  6. Barb says:

    I had to look up coot and hern. Now that I know what it is…it’s really quite clever, isn’t it?

    Like

  7. Sonel says:

    hehe, well done Col! Love the photo as well. :) *hugs*

    Like

  8. melouisef says:

    I really had to smile here.

    Like

  9. nrhatch says:

    Hahaha! Well done, indeed! :D

    Like

  10. Very clever indeed, Col. Love the shortcut as much as the verses you have adapted :-)

    Like

You have the right to remain silent - but please don't!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s