Weekly Writing Challenge:
GIVING A REALLY AWFUL FINGER
A friend who went game-guiding
For famous and the great
Gave stories quite abiding –
And one I here relate:
Days gone by; Vic Falls Hotel;
Liz Taylor breaks her fast;
Richard Burton there as well –
It was an all-star cast!
Their waiter there was standing
At pillar, in a doze,
No menu was he handing,
Instead, he picked his nose.
At last, the man pulled finger;
Saw Richard Burton’s wave,
But still would tend to linger –
Which was an error grave.
Across, the waiter ambled,
With no attempt at speed,
Then with his life he gambled
To ask what they might need …
‘A boiled egg’s safe, I’m betting,’ –
Voice rang to furthest corner at –
‘At least you can’t be getting
Your f***g finger into that!’
(This is a true story, except that his exact words were reported as, ‘Bring me a boiled egg; at least you can’t get your f***g finger into that!’ According to our friend he used his full Shakespearian volume and projection, and the remark reached from end to end of the Victoria Falls Hotel dining-room
There is ‘A Pinch of Me’ in it, because of the way I have taken an anecdote about the rich and famous which was personally related to me, but turned it into one of my Really Awful Rhymes.)
© Colonialist July 2013 (WordPress)
Hilarious story, Col, and wonderfully spun.
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Thank you – all credit to RB, though!
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You do have a way with words–and so did he! 🙂
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He was more blunt and to-the-point, though! 🙂
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But you were more creative and fun…
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What a truly awful but funny story!
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It has a most attractive yuckiness!
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Ah, a trip down memory lane … I stayed there 22 years ago, had actually forgotten that trip until I saw the photo of the hotel! Here’s hoping that waiter was long gone by then!
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I imagine he would have been, and it seems it looks much the same as it always did!
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gross, I’m glad he said that!
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Indeed; I’ve often wondered if there were any repercussions for the nasal explorer …
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one wouold hope so
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Indeed; I’ve often wondered if there were any repercussions for the nasal explorer …
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Love it!!! The caddies blow their noses into the little golf towels sometimes.. Never used a caddie since I saw that!!!!
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Oh, YUCK!
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Hahaha! This sounds completely accurate. If I had his voice and presence and fame, I might be inclined to speak my mind as well. 😀
Very enjoyable!
Lisa
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It is a scene I wish I had witnessed personally.
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‘Laughter in the afternoon’ . . . methinks this a totally true story . . . yes, a laugh now and oft a tragedy then: a pity when there could have been an alternate path . . . .
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It is sad that they had such a tempestuous relationship.
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Yuck. I’d have fingered the picker by asking for a different waiter . . . and not sotto voce!
Fun telling of a snotty snooty snouty tale!
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Pity there was no tape recorder present – I’m pretty sure RB would have had more to say on the subject, if only in conversation with Liz.
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Very good as usual, gave me a good giggle
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As it did me, when first told about it!
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A truly wonderfully awful rhyme Col 😉
The bygone days of glory and splendour…
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They are still available at that hotel – but it costs an arm and a leg. I’m glad we overnighted there when it was still affordable.
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. . . after that, I would not have eaten anything the waiter would have brought out . . .
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Oh, I don’t know. He was on to a fairly safe bet. All a boiled egg would need is a good wipedown before decaptiation.
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Is this for real??… love the share…
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Unless he made it up, which I doubt, it is absolute fact.
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Thanks for the giggle Col! Lovely rhymed as usual. 😀 *hugs*
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The farm neighbour who told it to us was a real character!
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I bet! 😀
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Well-written, Col. I can just picture it all.
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Also, it does help to be able even now to get hold of pictures of the characters, the locality, and even the exact room!
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A very nifty really awful rhyme, Col, and such a funny tale. Truth is stranger than fiction, for sure. I can just imagine Richard Burton saying that. 🙂
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One can just imagine how well he made that remark carry, can’t one?
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A truly marvellous anecdote 😀
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I really enjoyed it when he told it to us.
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Love it! Most entertaining! Alienora
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It so helps if one has heard Burton in full voice, too!
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He had an astonishing voice, didn’t he: resonant with the gravel and song of the Welsh Valleys! Amongst other things!
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