Yes women are a handy sort of
thing to have around
Although the right ones are a little
thin upon the ground 

They mustn’t be the slightest trace of
the complaining sort
But able to keep coming all the
beers while you watch sport

And comment with intelligence should
Someone miss a pass
Like saying, ‘Is the ****er blind?
Come on!  Get off your ****!’

They must ensure the house is spotless
and the beds are made
The table and themselves should be quite
regularly laid

When waking up each day should also
fully made-up be
And be prepared for fun and games
before the morning tea 

Their hair stays perfectly in place
and they must always smell
As fresh as a spring morning and a
perfumed one as well

They’ll always look so gorgeous that the
men all stop and stare
What joy when, ‘That’s the missus,’ you are
able to declare

Expensive shopping trips they do not
think to undertake
Of course they are quite brilliant when they
start to cook or bake

They always feed your ego and your
tummikins as well
And do not seem to notice if that
part begins to swell

Quite unreservedly on you they
fulsome praises launch
And never seem to notice you’ve a
sadly sagging paunch

They will regard as sexy that you’re
losing lots of hair
And smile and look the other way when
you have an affair

If very late you should come home from
night out with the boys
They will not chide or indicate you’re
making too much noise

And if they must have children, then at
least they’ll find a way
To keep the brats from bugging you at
any time of day

They’ll also make quite certain that should
visit Ma-in-Law
Quite well before you get back home she
will be shown the door

Of course it would be handy if they
have a great career
Which keeps you all in luxury and
you in ample beer

And if they these accomplishments much
further would adorn
They’d undertake to fix the car and
also mow the lawn

I must admit my own dear spouse does
lack some of these traits
But do I love her all the same?  Ah
let me count the ways! 

© Colonialist August 2013 (WordPress)

About colonialist

Active septic geranium who plays with words writing fantasy novels and professionally editing, with notes writing classical music, and with riding a mountain bike, horses and dinghies. Recently Indie Publishing has been added to this list.
This entry was posted in Challenge, Humour, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme, Satire and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.


  1. A hilarious insight in the workings of the male’s mind and wishes hahahaaaaa.


  2. adinparadise says:

    I love this bit of fun, Col. (It was meant to be in fun, wasn’t it?) 😀


  3. Yay! Long live imperfect but lovable spouses!


  4. bulldog says:

    Great save at the end there Col… thought you were digging yourself a bit of a hole … great poem though…


  5. Sonel says:

    Men certainly do not expect a lot Col! hehehehe
    Great rhyme my friend. 😀 *hugs*


  6. Lisaman says:

    hahahaha my word.. I’m part of that thin group that choose to stay away from being owned like this…


  7. nrhatch says:

    Here ya go, Col . . . they’re all yours:


  8. disperser says:

    Late last night, I penned a few responses, but heavy lids caused my fingers to slip and slide, making it most difficult to write a cogent and reasoned response . . .

    . . . I suggest you use a similar defense.


  9. Doom says:

    A man has to start somewhere, and I like your plan. Much as with whittling, there is often the more for the less though? Or is that what we tell ourselves to make the world square with reason and our other tools? *grins*

    I noted you touched a nerve or three, in various ways. Something I hope brings you some small pride. Wonderful work and no small dose of daring do to add finials to a fine finish.


  10. misswhiplash says:

    I’ve read through all the comments
    And can see that I am right
    You are looking for perfection
    But that is not in sight

    If you can find a Mrs
    with so little flaws
    She could appear to be an Angel
    But underneath she has great claws……watch out


  11. bluebee says:

    Jy soek kak, ne?


  12. 68ghia says:

    yes well..
    Looking at all the criteria you’ve set down so masterfully Col, I lack in most of them.
    Possibly why I’m still, for all intents and purposes, a singlish gal 🙂


  13. Spoken like a true chauvinist 😉 😆
    Good thing you had the sense to add the last lines.


  14. SidevieW says:

    you don’t have enough sick leave available……


  15. alienorajt says:

    Hilarious! I particularly enjoyed the bit about the table and themselves being laid – most witty!


  16. Pussycat44 says:

    Thank goodness you added that last verse!


  17. Eha says:

    Methinks I prefer to remain silent, oh dear, oh dear 😀 !


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