REALLY AWFUL REVISION

I wasn’t happy with the Really Awful Rhyme in the previous post, so I did some more work on it.  I think the new edition is slicker and the meter more consistent.   It is still 100 words.  What do you think?

REALLY AWFUL ILLUSION

PREVIOUS VERSION

The Great Mystico the million had counted,
In study of his host;
When certain that it correctly amounted,
He said, ‘We’ll drink a toast – 

‘My “Vanish” illusion I’ll now explain
For payment I have here,
But, take this warning, you’ve little to gain
When I have made it clear.’ 

The millionaire smiled, ‘I’ll be the judge of that;
What you tell, I can vow,
I want to know, but keep under my hat.’
‘Right, then,’ and Mystico arose with a bow: 

‘That my “Vanish” illusion is an illusion,
Is an illusion, quite!’
And then, in conclusion,
Magic’ly vanished from sight.

REVISED VERSION

The Great Mystico the million counted
In mansion of his host;
When certain it to that sum amounted,
Said, ‘Now, to clear the coast:

‘My “Vanish” illusion I said I’d show
For payment I have here,
But, let me warn you, there’s little you’ll know
When I have made it clear.’

The millionaire smiled, ‘I’ll be quick to see,
So just you go ahead
And tell me, now that I’ve paid you your fee.’
Mystico rose and said:

‘That my illusion is an illusion,
Is an illusion, quite!’
And then, to make quite clear this conclusion,
Simply vanished from sight.

© Colonialist November 2013 (WordPress)