An invitation to advertisers.

Let it be noted that unless otherwise stated by me, I regard every advertisement appearing on my site (other than mentions of my own productions) to be the intrusion of a disreputable squatter.

Fear not, for there is a way in which an endorsement from me will be possible.  Three simple steps come into this:

(1)   You will pay me a considerable sum of money to consider your product.

(2)   You will provide me with a generous free sample.

(3)   I will then assess it.  The results of this can be that I like it, in which case I will offer an endorsement and you can laugh all the way to the bank after hordes of people swarm to purchase it. 

Or I don’t like it, but pocket your money anyway and cheerfully report on the following lines: 

Bitz 2

‘Munshittybitz look unappetising, taste revolting, and give ghastly indigestion if they stay down.  Their consistency comes with a guarantee to rearrange your dentistry. Nutritional value has a minus quantity, and disposal of rejected or regurgitated chunks will probably need specialists in toxic waste.’

Of course, human nature being what it is, your sales will be just as likely to skyrocket from that.

© Colonialist June 2014 (WordPress)

About colonialist

Active septic geranium who plays with words writing fantasy novels and professionally editing, with notes writing classical music, and with riding a mountain bike, horses and dinghies. Recently Indie Publishing has been added to this list.
This entry was posted in Humour, Really Awful Joke, Satire and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to An invitation to advertisers.

  1. Desire says:

    Well said, and love your ad!

    We are already so overwhelmed with unsolicited advertising I sometimes feel like setting fire to all my gadgets, laptop, email, phone GGGGGRRRRRRRR. It just doesn’t stop.


    • colonialist says:

      I am working on a gadget to sell to bloggers etc. A little button marked ‘Incinerate Sender’s Hardware’.
      A refinement which may be a bit harder to do is, ‘Incinerate Sender’.


  2. Madhu says:

    Love that oddball ad! 😀 WP posts ads visible to non logged in users on all blogs. The price of ‘Free Hosting’!


  3. Kev says:



  4. calmgrove says:

    Btw, not quite sure why WordPress refuses to acknowledge me following you — seems to selectively unfollow the odd blogger without my knowledge — as if to say ‘You’re following too many people, let’s eliminate one or two and see if you notice…’

    Let’s see what happens as I follow you again, if you follow my drift…


  5. Gobetween says:

    I don’t see ads when I am signed in but have noticed ads on my blogs when I am logged off.


  6. Grannymar says:

    I was temporarily hosted with WP(dot)com while my old blog template was brought up to date. It took several months and while there I saw adverts, Now that I am back on my own domain and privately hosted, there are no adverts. I enjoyed you tongue & cheek advert!


  7. What a very strange ad, Col. They certainly do look just like their name. 😆


  8. bulldog says:

    Damn now that is a good endorsement for a product…


  9. I also pay a fee to be ad-free with WordPress. I think it’s worth it.


  10. disperser says:

    I pay the fee each year so that no ads appear on my site. If you see any, ever, let me know.

    On the other hand, I too would offer to evaluate stuff, but in my entire life there have only been a few things that have met my approval and continue to do so . . . Nutella and Rain-X. The only two products that do what they say.

    It’s therefore understandable why companies would not be interested in having a hyper-critical anal retentive literalist who is trained as an engineer review anything of theirs.


  11. Well, I agree with you.
    I didn’t get ads when I was on blogger…
    But now I’m on WP.
    I think somewhere I have offered to review products. No £s came rolling in there.
    Anyway the good news, I see no ads on your blog.


  12. kragenhai says:

    Leslie, just what in hell are you on about? Is it the WordPress ads that are getting you? WP doesn’t charge you for their blogging service so I think they are fully entitled to place ads on your postings to offset the costs of running this site which can be humongous. I know. I have my own website and it is costing me every month with damn little return but it does provide a service so I am keeping it going. One page in particular seems to be very popular. “Joining wood” and “wood joints” have been top of the Google search for years now both in Web and in Images. Don’t knock advertising or adverts, without them you would not be able to afford a newspaper, magazine or website. I any event, ads are just about the only good news in today’s media.


    • colonialist says:

      A good deal of the funding comes from people with paid sites. Be that as it may, whether they finance the site from ads or not, one can object to any inference that one endorses products advertised on a blog which have been placed there without prior reference, and without one even seeing them. I know some people do draw that inference.
      They don’t pay us for attracting readership to boost their figures either, do they?
      Final point – when reading a humorous post, always watch for the tongue in the cheek!


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