Let it be noted that unless otherwise stated by me, I regard every advertisement appearing on my site (other than mentions of my own productions) to be the intrusion of a disreputable squatter.
Fear not, for there is a way in which an endorsement from me will be possible. Three simple steps come into this:
(1) You will pay me a considerable sum of money to consider your product.
(2) You will provide me with a generous free sample.
(3) I will then assess it. The results of this can be that I like it, in which case I will offer an endorsement and you can laugh all the way to the bank after hordes of people swarm to purchase it.
Or I don’t like it, but pocket your money anyway and cheerfully report on the following lines:
‘Munshittybitz look unappetising, taste revolting, and give ghastly indigestion if they stay down. Their consistency comes with a guarantee to rearrange your dentistry. Nutritional value has a minus quantity, and disposal of rejected or regurgitated chunks will probably need specialists in toxic waste.’
Of course, human nature being what it is, your sales will be just as likely to skyrocket from that.