R.I.P Trevor 20/7/1961 – 14/7/2014


Trevor with YD

On Monday morning at 7:05, after a night during which he was in some pain, and a visit from the doctor to give an injection to ease it, the adored husband of Younger Daughter and utterly devoted father to the two little girls who feature here so often gave up an unequal struggle against cancer.  He died at our home, with his mother and wife close by.

Not that we knew it was cancer until very recently.  Other problems had been causing pain and discomfort, but the actual cause turned out to be a particularly virulent version.  Once the correct diagnosis had been made, we knew the severity, but all of us, including Trevor, still held up hopes for a successful fight.  How quickly the end came has been a severe shock.

The funeral was this morning.  Friends and relations had come from all over the country to attend, and the church was packed.  Sister-in-Law (after her Sunday shortcut downstairs) managed to put in an appearance, hobbling and wearing dark glasses to hide her black eye.  Younger Daughter, with a staunch friend to hold onto in need, gave a lovely and eloquent tribute.  Another came from Trevor’s sister, and his boss was emotional in saying how much Trevor would be missed in the company both as M.D. of the Durban branch and as a friend and confidante to everyone.

As can be imagined, the week has been one of turmoil, and it will be hard to adjust to a future without Trevor.  He has shared a roof with us from the time he won Younger Daughter over, and in fact he and YD were in sole charge of that roof for two years while Much Better Half and I went on a mad adventure in the Midlands.  We have worked together on various projects as a good team, and played together amicably, even if I didn’t quite share his passion for cars or he my passion for yachts.  Unfortunately our main shared passion – wildlife – wasn’t held quite to the same extent by MBH and YD

His two little darlings are bearing up well, but with the occasional heartbreaking wobblies.  Those are inevitable when suddenly someone who was such an amazingly dedicated father is no longer there.  Little J, in particular, has spells of saying repeatedly, ‘I want my daddy,’ which of course gets to all of us.

Now we have to pick up the pieces and put them together again into the best possible pattern.  That is going to be a challenge – with a major one missing completely, and another (our home) replaced by a smaller and unsuitably-shaped substitute.

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About colonialist

Active septic geranium who plays with words writing fantasy novels and professionally editing, with notes writing classical music, and with riding a mountain bike, horses and dinghies.
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98 Responses to R.I.P Trevor 20/7/1961 – 14/7/2014

  1. cupitonians says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss and that of your family! Big hugs! xx

    Like

  2. optie says:

    Oh Col what dreadful news. so sad for your daughter and granddaughters and all the family who must feel Trevor’s loss so keenly. I’ve not been blogging lately and just logged on to scroll through the posts so apologies for the late condolences.

    Like

  3. susanben says:

    Thinking off all the family. Huge hugs to all!

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  4. d1nx says:

    Col I’m absolutely stunned and shocked and so very very sad for you all, especially the girls. Heartfelt sympathy and condolences on the devastating loss of your dearly beloved Trevor. May the memories that you all made with him, comfort you during this traumatic time of mourning. Much love and hugs to all xxx Di

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  5. Tokeloshe says:

    I am sorry for your loss, our condolences to you and your family.
    Take care.

    Like

  6. bluebee says:

    How sad for your family, Col.

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  7. gipsika says:

    :’-(
    Thinking of you all!

    Like

  8. All the best to you and yours at this time of grief.

    Like

  9. Harmony says:

    What a heartbreaking post. My deepest sympathies to you all Col.

    Like

  10. Col, I am so very sorry. Life is agonisingly arbitrary. My love to you all at this bewildering time,especially two little ones and their mother. You are all, and I mean this most seriously, in our thoughts and prayers.

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  11. stanleyandkatrina says:

    This was a beautiful post. Our hearts are sad for each of you and we are deeply sorry for your loss. Sending virtual hugs and many blessings your way.

    Like

  12. ddupl3ss1s says:

    Vanoggend gedink ..vandag is dit ‘n verjaarsdag . As medeleser van jou blogs, dink ek veral aan julle vandag.

    Like

  13. Gobetween says:

    Very sad, my sincerest condolences for your loss.

    Like

  14. The Asian says:

    So sorry to hear this Col. Deepest condolences to you and your family

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  15. footsy2 says:

    This is heartbreaking. My thoughts are with you all.

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  16. I am so very sorry for your loss, Col. Condolences to you and your family. Sending warm hugs.

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  17. Kathleen says:

    I am so sorry for your loss Col, I am sure it is not easy. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. xxx

    Like

  18. gpcox says:

    I realize no words are capable of filling the emptiness right now, but I am sorry for your loss.

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  19. My sincerest condolences.
    I am so very sorry for your loss.
    I wish there was a “magic” way to ease the pain we feel when loved ones leave us.
    My thoughts are with you and your family.
    RIP Trevor!

    Like

  20. Such sad news, cancer is so unfair with the lives it claims. He sounds like a wonderful father, which makes his loss even harder. Those poor little girls longing for their daddy, and your heartbroken daughter…..putting those pieces back together may take a while. Thinking of you all, and sending you love Xx

    Like

    • colonialist says:

      Unfair, indeed. He deserved to watch his daughters mature into the fine young ladies his example and love will have helped to fashion. One presses on, but it is hard indeed. Thanks for the message.

      Like

  21. misswhiplash says:

    My dear friend, I can feel the sadness in my heart. This is indeed a terrible thing to happen but God is in charge and we are only on this earth by His Grace. Eventually we all have to return to our Maker but in this situation it is even sadder because Trevor had not lived his full life.. may you all find peace in each other.. I shall pray for you all.

    you did not tell me why you are changing house

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  22. Arkenaten says:

    Speechless. This is tragic. So sorry, Col. Truly.
    My sincerest condolences.

    Like

  23. granny1947 says:

    I am so sorry Col…especially for those lovely little girls. My heart goes out to all of you.

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  24. Nicola says:

    So sorry to hear of your loss and pain, sending lots of good wishes to you all x

    Like

  25. tobyo says:

    oh no, I am so sorry 😦 I know the pain of losing a father as mine died suddenly when I was 11….I also got news yesterday of an online friend who I never met in person….she’s losing her battle with cancer (only recently diagnosed). my heart goes out to you and your family and especially those little girls who lost their father. prayers for strength for you all as you come to grips with this awful loss 😦

    Like

    • colonialist says:

      That was also far too early to lose a dad.
      It is a lottery. One of those at the funeral yesterday was diagnosed with cancer a year or so ago, but has so far fought it off with chemo etc. Point is, one would have expected the funeral attendance to be the other way round.
      Thanks.

      Like

  26. You all deserve as much love and support as we can all give you in any way. It must be such a comfort to your daughter and your precious grand children to have you and their grandmother right there with them… thinking of you all..

    Like

  27. ddupl3ss1s says:

    Sit ek nou met trane in my oë . Woorde om te troos is daar ongelukkig nie – glo tyd sal die verlange sagter maak.

    Like

  28. newsferret says:

    My sincerest sharing in your emotions with the loss.

    Like

  29. de Wets Wild says:

    God bless your family in this very sad time. My heart goes out to Trevor’s wife and children, losing their husband and father long before they would have expected to. May he rest in peace, and may your family find comfort in the happy memories you shared.

    Like

  30. Millie Ho says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. All the best to you and your family during this difficult time.

    Like

  31. Oh dear – life is unfair 😦 my condolences

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  32. I and the Bob send you all our sympathies. Though words don’t help at a time like this we wish they could.

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  33. melouisef says:

    This is really so sad and my sincerest condolences to all of you. He was still so young 😦

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  34. Pussycat44 says:

    Oh, what sad news for you, your wife, YD and the two little ones.
    My thoughts are with you all.

    Like

  35. Mélanie says:

    RIP… I’m saddened and emotional… my deep condolences, courage, strength and inner peace… he’ll continue to live in the hearts of all those who have loved him… “love never dies…” respectful regards and heartfelt hugs… ❤ Mélanie

    Like

  36. etinkerbell says:

    I’m so sorry, my sincerest condolences to you and your family. Stefy.

    Like

  37. Tom Merriman says:

    My condolences go to you and your family, Col.

    Like

  38. Colline says:

    My sincerest condolences to you and the rest of our family colonialist. It is never easy when one loses a loved one – and it is especially harder when the person is a parent to young children.

    Like

    • colonialist says:

      One never really considers just how sad it is until it is right in your own back yard. I have watched the daily value their daddy was adding to their lives, and the loss of that is just tragic.

      Like

  39. Oh, this is such sad news, Col. I feel absolutely sick for you and the whole family. Our sincere condolences to you all, on your tragic loss. Those darling girls are just so young to have to cope with losing their daddy. Hugs to you.

    Like

    • colonialist says:

      They are indeed, and it seems so unfair. They are losing so much that he was offering them in guidance, example and love, and that he would have continued to give them. There can be no real substitute. That is the toughest part.
      Thank you.

      Like

  40. suzicate says:

    My deepest sympathy to you and your family. My heart breaks for each of you. Sending you all virtual hugs, positive energy, and blessings.

    Like

  41. disperser says:

    My heartfelt and sincere sympathy for what you and your family are going through.

    There are no words of comfort I can offer for we are separated by both distance and circumstance, but your eloquent post does manage to bridge at least part of that gap by bringing us in to celebrate the memory of the man, share a bit of the pain of the loss, and hopefully help alleviate the emotional burden you and yours are carrying. My thoughts are with you and yours.

    Like

    • colonialist says:

      Thanks; and knowing that people separated by such distance are prepared to reach out in such manner is of comfort.
      You will appreciate why I have not been visiting your blog as faithfully as is my wont.

      Like

      • disperser says:

        Farthest thing from my mind. When I don’t see someone for a while, I know life, as it should, took precedence. I hope for the best, but sadly often it’s not.

        Like

  42. Sorry to hear this. Such a horrible tragedy for everyone. My deepest condolences to you and your family during this awful time. Take care.

    Like

  43. Expressions of sympathy cannot be much help in the loss of such a vital member of your family, but be sure your internet friends will all be thinking of you all, and wishing you strength to cope with this tragedy.

    Like

  44. People always say how difficult it is to see younger people die. Looking at his birthdate, I realise he was younger than me. A hole in your family for sure. Now we know why said there were health issues, an I thought SIL’s fall was bad. I send you all my condolences too.

    Like

  45. Cee Neuner says:

    Lots of hugs and warm blessing going your way.

    Like

  46. My deepest condolences to you and your family. I really don’t know what to say. Hugs to you

    Like

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