Really Awful Occupations – Part 1


This map goes back to the good old days when British Occupation got an awful lot of countries in the red ...

This map goes back to the good old days when British Occupation got a really awful lot of countries in the red …

Grave-diggers and crop farming types are very down-to-earth,
And valuators tend to be your gentlemen of worth;
Your tightrope-walkers need to be well-balanced sort of chaps,
And accident-insurers always suffer from mishaps. 

A glazer is a guy who studies how to handle pane,
And blood transfusion fellows tend to do their work in vein;
Your undertakers deal with those who’ve gone from bed to worse –
Those undertakers’ vehicles are labelled ‘his’ and ‘hearse’? 

An auditor must count for something, or adds up to naught,
And, like a dietician, to be good with figures ought;
All cooks and poets who rehash must suffer a re-verse;
Computer operators place their cursors where they curse. 

A debt-collector is a man to whom much credit’s due;
In lawyers it’s appropriate to have a boy named Sue;
Some advocates appear in public without any briefs;
Rose-pruners take a cut because of annual re-leafs. 

Re: why are electricians who re-wire so re-volting?
‘Coz if they get their wires crossed they will receive a jolting!
Mechanics are so brainwashed that it’s even food they’re bolting;
Sheep-shearers are sheer sheepish types sheep wool-fully are moulting. 

Some ladies are like gardeners, and do their work in bed –
But what is planted where, with them, is better left unsaid –
Where plumbers lay their pipes, perhaps, and do it with a joint?
Oh, what a wrench and loo-dicrous such squirts one must up-point! 

A dentist and a soldier-man both need to know the drill;
Your average executor goes working with a will;
Most authors, and that dentist, find that tooth’s stronger than friction;
While doctors, and that soldier, deal with damaging affliction. 

A teacher used to use a stick to make the lessons stick;
The educator doesn’t, so now learning’s not as quick;
When pupils saw the stick you’d see their pupils would dilate –
The learners learn much slower, learning there won’t be such fate!

© Colonialist (2009) July 2014 (WordPress)

(Beware: more to come!)

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About colonialist

Active septic geranium who plays with words writing fantasy novels and professionally editing, with notes writing classical music, and with riding a mountain bike, horses and dinghies.
This entry was posted in Colonialist, verse, writing, music composition, fantasy, Africa, journal., Humour, Really Awful Rhyme, Wordplay and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

34 Responses to Really Awful Occupations – Part 1

  1. This is hilariously clever, Col. 🙂

    Like

  2. You’re so funny, Col.

    Like

  3. The Asian says:

    I’m amazed at how you manage to come up with these really awful rhymes. And as if that’s not difficult enough, you still manage to add a little naughtiness to them 🙂

    Like

  4. I would if I could write my biog in verse so much more interesting 🙂 enjoyed this

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  5. Grannymar says:

    This one IS special!

    Like

  6. nrhatch says:

    Are you fishing for compliments?
    Or are you going to throw them back? 😎

    Either way, well done!

    Like

  7. Aaahhh The Empire……..

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  8. bulldog says:

    Damn you are good at this… I know I’ve said it before, but you are…

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  9. Arkenaten says:

    Superb. A true Col Classic.

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  10. ‘poets who rehash must suffer a re-verse’ – inspired! Love it 🙂

    Like

  11. misswhiplash says:

    To be so clever with words is an inspiration to us all.
    It is a privilege to know such a genius

    Like

  12. haydendlinder says:

    My favorite so far. Thanks Col.

    Like

  13. Pussycat44 says:

    I like the last verse best!

    Like

  14. Witty wittering. One of your best.

    Like

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