A Teribil Vowel-lent Spel


03082014823 Parquet floor removal.    Just a warning to anyone foolish enough to visit us at lunchtime in a house we are going to be moving into – you could find yourself doing something like this!
After discovering that despite having been tented and receiving an entomologist’s certificate the house had borer chomping energetically in the parquet flooring, we sadly decided that the wood had to go.  It took friend and self about an hour to take the whole floor up.     Tiles will go there instead.  I’d like to see the bl…y little bu…rs of bl…dy b…orer b…eetle ba…rds get their teeth into those!

And now, a spell of insanity:

When it comes to trying to spell
There’s a part I don’t do well:
Choosing A or I or E
Is most difficult for me!
Seperate or separate?
Definite or definate?
‘See Pa rate’ gets first one right;
‘Defy night’ the other might;
Words, though, causing lots of trouble
End to sound a bit like ‘obble’:
When is ‘ible’ to be used?
When is ‘able’ most abused?
Rule of thumb for Latin stem:
Ible’ you would add to them;
Most such words are not complete
Without ‘ible’ at their feet:
‘Edible’ a case in point –
‘Ed’, as word, is out of joint;
Words like ‘wash’, alone, are stable –
Onto them, you would add ‘able’;
If a word should end in ‘e’
Drop the ‘e’ excusably!
But exceptions all abound:
‘Irritable’ may be found
Thoroughly one to dispirit –
There is no such word as ‘irrit’!
 And then ‘contemptible’, you find,
Despicably destroys your mind!

Oh, forget it!  When in doubt
Haul the dictionery out! …

Dictionary…dictionery…

Ary…ery…aaaaargh!

© Colonialist August 2014 (Orig Mar 2009) (WordPress)
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About colonialist

Active septic geranium who plays with words writing fantasy novels and professionally editing, with notes writing classical music, and with riding a mountain bike, horses and dinghies.
This entry was posted in Grammar, Personal Journal, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

41 Responses to A Teribil Vowel-lent Spel

  1. equinoxio21 says:

    Actually do you know how to pronounce ghoti? In english. 🙂

    Like

  2. equinoxio21 says:

    Pliz du not comphuze furners with your a’s i’s and e’s.
    (In my particular case, jumping from french to inglish to spenish maiks it woirse. Similar words in french and english have different vowels e for a or vice versa. Not no mention double consonants or not! Ye be good naw!

    Like

  3. English isn’t the easiest language to master, I’ll give you that! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. adeeyoyo says:

    Sorry this has happened Col. It appears that inspectors and certificates count for zilch nowadays.

    Like

  5. The Asian says:

    English class would have been so much more entertaining if we read rhymes like this

    Like

  6. Kev says:

    Lol… love the humour! I like tiles… I think it will look quite spectacular when finished. 🙂

    Like

  7. Pingback: One Minute Doodle: Been Fishing | Within The Sphere

  8. Arkenaten says:

    I don’t think we get borer up here in Cow Tang – not that I’m aware?
    My wooden leg hasn’t succumbed anyhow.
    Terror Kotter tieles will look better I think. Easier to care for.
    I didn’t understand the verse, by the way. Was there a point?

    Like

  9. Tom Merriman says:

    Ah. Words. Word play is fun… always using the correct one is a bit hit and miss sometimes (personelly speaking, of course!)

    Like

  10. Colline says:

    What a pity as parquet flooring is so beautiful 😦

    Like

  11. Just spell out the curse words next time! I’m still trying to figure out a couple of them..

    Like

  12. vuurklip says:

    Check this: http://www.tearablepuns.org/
    The roundest knight at the Round Table was Sir Cumference. He ha too much pi.

    Like

  13. vuurklip says:

    Aye rely two much on my spell chequer. Doo ewe all sew?

    Like

  14. Pussycat44 says:

    Borer is a pain in the @ss. Before I left my flat I saw signs of them again. Good luck to the new owner!
    I am “able”to spell words with”ible” thanks to Spell Checker 😉

    Like

  15. misswhiplash says:

    Well you come live in a house in Sushitsa. Not one of them is without wood worm and most of them including ours has the dreaded beetle. We have treated most areas with liquid that is supposed to kill the blighters but they survive. Not only wood worm and beetles we also have ants in their droves that chew the wood and spit it out. My one consolation is that I should be extinct before the house collapses.sometimes I think that it is only these Creepies holding the whole thing together

    Like

    • colonialist says:

      I am going to have to replace a number of battens which are hollow frames pretending to be working but actually doing nothing. I wish I could put the insects in a pile and stomp on them.

      Like

  16. haydendlinder says:

    You never liked that parquet anyway. Great post:)

    Like

  17. ible able ery ary – just follow the wiggly Word lines and leave the dico (French abbreviation) on the shelf.

    Like

  18. Too bad about the floor. I know the tile will look nice.

    Like

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