Ups and Downs of the Really Awfullest

But first a spawntaneous Wordless Wednesday contribution:

Being toad - matrimony with strings attached.

Being toad – matrimony with strings attached.

Wordless Wednesday



And now:


The English are most awful clowns
Who do not know their ups from downs;
When up to mischief, or no good,
Low-down behaviour’s what they would
Describe it as, so ‘down’ should be
What they’re to mischief, actually,
And ‘down to no good’ must be used
For language not to be abused.

An arsonist must have a pain
To do with ups and downs, again –

A building that he sets alight
Is burning up, is that not right?
But when razed to the ground – !?* – is done,
It has burnt down, says everyone!
These ups and downs, you must agree,
Defy the law of gravity. 

Comeuppance is what one receives
From retribution, one believes?

But retribution’s not a gift
To give one any sort of lift;
In fact you can be sure that it
Will drop you down into the … grit!
So, thus, ‘godownance’ is far more
What one would set down as that score? 

A man who’s uppity must need
To be put down with greatest speed,

While, when one alcohol has downed,
One will get higher with each round;
In law, the upshot of a trial
Could have you ‘sent down’ for a while,
And if containers you upset,
The contents will go down, you bet! 

Then, if a bill you come to pay,
You ‘settle up’, is what you say;

Once settled up, the debts you owe
Immediately downward go!
But if, instead, you should refuse
To pay, could anyone accuse
That you have ‘settled down’ instead?
No; ‘settle down’ you do in bed! 

Though ‘uptight’ tells that one is stressed,
One cannot, ‘Get downloose!’ suggest,

And if downtown you care to go,
Upmarket areas there show;
A good upbringing does not mean
Some bad downtaking could be seen …
With ups and downs like this, one doubts
You’re in to try out ins and outs!

(For example:

If someone is out to get you,
Then in trouble you may be;

When indecent, you can bet you
Outrage inadvertently,
While in tears means he upset you,
And is out of sympathy …
Oh, in heaven’s name, forget you
Started out such lunacy!)

*If you can raze things to the ground,
Then, pray do tell me why
It cannot equally be found
You knock down to the sky? 

© Colonialist (Apr 2009) Revised September 2014 (WordPress)

About colonialist

Active septic geranium who plays with words writing fantasy novels and professionally editing, with notes writing classical music, and with riding a mountain bike, horses and dinghies. Recently Indie Publishing has been added to this list.
This entry was posted in Colonialist, verse, writing, music composition, fantasy, Africa, journal., Humour, Language, Personal Journal, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme, Weekly Photo Challenge, Wordplay and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Ups and Downs of the Really Awfullest

  1. haydendlinder says:

    Loved the poem but are you sure an image of frogs boinking goes with it?


  2. I’m forever grateful that English is my home language. Superb really awful rhyme, Col. 🙂


  3. I mash up English words all the time I love your way with prose and poetry 🙂


  4. guyportman says:

    Good poem, though not sure that us English are awful clowns. Well we might be, but at least Scotland hasn’t abandoned us – The Empire is quite small enough as it is these days.


  5. The Asian says:

    English can be a really complicated language and frustrating sometimes


  6. calmgrove says:

    I wonder — the opposite of ‘down and out’ is not ‘up and in’, is it? Logic there is none.


  7. Your logic is irrefutable except for the last stanza, where I agree with roughseasithemed.


  8. vuurklip says:

    I gave up(!) on the language when I discovered that blackberries are green when they are red!


  9. Raze to the ground is one of those tautological sayings that sets my teeth on edge.


  10. Pussycat44 says:

    I expect in the next “Awful Rhyme” you will use the words Over and Under 😉


  11. Is the water green? Or is it something on the bottom?


  12. suzicate says:

    Your toad commentary is great!


  13. Grannymar says:

    Boy, am I glad I am not English!


  14. beeblu says:

    Stupendous, Col. The mind is boggling!


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