Stop Sweetly Suffering in Salts!
I love to binge on condensed milk –
The best part of a tin –
The taste so sweet, the texture silk;
But suffer for this sin.
I have discovered when I thus
In gluttony indulge
At night, comes awful bit of fuss:
Bad cramp, I will divulge!
It is most utter agony;
Than toothache, worse, by half;
(Though ‘a gone knee’ it cannot be –
It gets me in the calf!)
And when in calf it gets at me,
For heifer seems to last,
Unless ay-bull, in salting-ly,
To steer it into past.
So when in middle of the night
I need the pain to halt,
The way that I can put it right
Is, rush and take some salt.
The salt dissolved, or licked from palm,
Soon sends me back to sleep …
Though I, if not to need such balm,
Condensed milk, from, should keep!
Colonialist's Blog 
Asif the condensmil wasn’t sweet enough, we added sugar to it! I cringe just thinking about it
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That is like poisoning someone after cutting their head off!
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Ah Col, you do have a way with words 😉
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Sorry about your cramps, Col. I used to love eating condensed milk, but I eventually grew out of it. Now I find it far too sweet. I prefer salty snacks. 🙂
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I can enjoy those, too. Actually, I should try to stick to honey – far better for one, I would imagine.
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Were you a boarding-school boy. All seem to have the taste for condensed milk, my husband included. Fun poem, Col. 😄
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No the boarding school fate escaped me, but the addiction to c m didn’t!
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I read an article online this week that stated that salt is less harmful than sugar. Increased potassium intake helps prevent cramps too.
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I have just read an old article praising the effectiveness of a glass of tonic water before going to bed, too.
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LOL! Very funny … in a painful kinda way. 🙂
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Like looking through a window with a paned expression!
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long story, short: I’m a salty person! 🙂 I’ve just brought some “fleur de sel”(salt flower) from Gozo island(near Malta) that I collected myself from the rocks… have you ever tasted dark chocolate with flower salt(chocolat à la fleur de sel)?… simply divine! 🙂
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That is something new to me – both the flower salt and the combination with chocolate!
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In my younger years (see how I made myself seem really old there 😉 ), we had “entrepreneur’s day” at school and there was a bright spark who would put condensed milk into syringes and sell them. It was a huge hit amongst us kids and I’m sure he made quite a bit off of us
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That is the sort of ‘fix’ peddlar I could approve of!
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Condensed milk is the earth version of heavenly ambrosia. YUM!
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I SO agree!
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Love this Col… as a kid we used to mix the condensed milk with jelly powder… and even spread it on Marie biscuits… now that does bring back memories…
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The one mixture I recall without wanting to repeat it was condensed milk and sardines ….
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been there done that… although when I think back it was only when in the army… and then I’d eat anything…
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Most people do draw the line at such extreme contrasts! I would have thought even in the army it would have been looked at as going a bit far …
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I used to binge on condensed milk. Now I don’t know how I could!
I love your ditty.
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You should try it again, just to find out? 🙂
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I’m seriously impressed you can binge on this. If I did I would be bouncing around the planet for weeks!
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That would give a new meaning to a partner saying, ‘Hi honey, I’m home!’
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Great poem – and just wanted to chime in and note that another huge thing that you may want to consider is magnesium – especially the brand CALM.
Because lack of magnesium is one of gthe #1 overlooked probe for most people these days (many reasons) and it is related to so many body functions – and finding an absorbable magnesium is really hard – in fact – it is so hard that the guy who developed the one called “CALM” made his blend because he could not find any thing for his body. And it has won awards for three years in a row because the stuff is so good!
also, and you may know this – but not all salt is created equal and some “table salt” even if iodized – is void of nutrients and may have metals – it still might help with cramps – but seas salts are way better.
anyhow, thx for letting me share that – and again – very great words and flow in your fun poem.
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Wonder if one gets it here? I must investigate whether anyone keeps Calm – but most locals are excitable!
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I really love thick sweet condensed milk, by the spoon sneaked from the fridge, or laid upon bread with lots of butter that is when the battle really begins, to eat this guilty morsel before it drips off all sides of ghe bread at the same time…..
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The drippy problem also occurs with honey; I solve that by getting mine in the raw, paste-like form. Yum!
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I remember eating condensed milk from a Tim when I was a child. Alas, I am unable to eat it now as I find the taste is just too sweet.
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I guzzle it with all the same glee as I did when young. In spite of the fact that I don’t take sugar in tea.
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😀
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The hubby gets leg cramps but not from condensed milk. He says he drinks lots of water, but I don’t think he drinks enough when he’s outside and gets cramps. He recently found something new that helps, coconut water.
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Maybe he should also experiment with salt or soda water to find which works best!
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Salt helps. I don’t think he’s ever tried soda water.
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Tonic water is the thing for leg cramps. It really works.
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I should try that – better for one than salt, I would suppose!
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No leg cramps but would get terrible belly cramps if I had dairy! One person’s cure is another’s poison! 😉
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At least it doesn’t get me in the tum! Just the calf.
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i love the stuff,, memories from the long lost past..
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I am fighting the urge to go and binge as I write this …
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I suffer from leg cramps too. They usually strike while I am asleep. I then perform a Skippy dance around bedroom in tune to Pat s musical snores. I must put salt by my bed. Thank you for the tip though I won’t try the condensed milk
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You should take note whether the cramps occur after any particular sugar intake. It took me simply ages to connect the two things together, but now I know the cause and the cure!
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I too must take note – I don’t do the sweet stuff much, but then alcohol is pure sugar :-(.
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Yes thank you. I do have a sweet tooth
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This rang bells. TL is actually addicted to the Condensed Milk (I refrain) but I am the one who gets leg cramps and resort to salt. Wonderful how it works. Instant relief, accompanied by guilt. Salt is supposed to be so bad for you :-).
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I suppose it is the sweetness that is really bad for you; then it is simply adding in salt to injury!
(I should have worked that into the Really Awful Rhyme!)
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