Painfully Cut Off with a Chainsaw


Hut after cut

On Moanday it was set as my endeavour
With chainsaw, branches over garden hut,
To cut; but something else was there I’d sever –
The land-line (sky-line?) – what a silly mutt!

The roof was overdue for being painted,
And painter keen on sloshing lots of paint,
But at the thought of chainsaws he near fainted –
He said, ‘I paint; but woodcutter I ain’t!’

So up I climbed, with chainsaw at the red-y,
(Though it was green we wanted, and not red)
And from a perch that wasn’t all that steady,
My sawing skills were -ible, quite incred-!

Note bits of now-painted roof, and the offending cable.

Note bits of now-painted roof, and the offending cable.

But tangled in the branches was this cable …
I found it, and avoided it with care;
Too late! It turns out that I had been able
To nick it with the first cut I’d made there.

That slice of bad luck left me with no landline,
And took out more important things as well –
To live without the telephone I’d stand fine,
But not without the darn ADSL!

Eventually they patched the thing together,
And backlog emails came in by the score
To tell of unread posts; I don’t know whether
I’ll have the time to read them any more.

So that’s the reason why I have been missing –
I’m back, though, so you can all cheer and shout
With jubilation – Hey, who is that hissing?
You nasty, unappreciative lout!

© May 2016 Colonialist (WordPress)
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About colonialist

Active septic geranium who plays with words writing fantasy novels and professionally editing, with notes writing classical music, and with riding a mountain bike, horses and dinghies.
This entry was posted in Colonialist, verse, writing, music composition, fantasy, Africa, journal., Humorous rhyme, Personal Journal, Really Awful Rhyme, Wordplay and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Painfully Cut Off with a Chainsaw

  1. Grannymar says:

    Chainsaws and ladders they are forbidden,
    So trees around me have highly risen.
    The sunset skies are almost hidden
    But I must do what I am bidden….
    and sleep is calling me.

    Stay safe, Col.

    Like

  2. Glad to know you’re still out there confusing the world even more than it usually is.

    Like

  3. I’d been wondering where you’d got to. I love your poetic and punny telling of the story and am glad it wasn’t a bit of you that was cut.

    Like

  4. patrecia upton says:

    Oh what a silly thing to do I really am surprised at you Usually you do things with great care And make sure there is nothing there But this time you went and cut the line And had a very quiet time. No phone. No email. Dead as night Oh my goodness what a plight I have cut electric when clipping hedge Fortunately it was all dead And was only line that fed the pool But i could have been a one dead fool So happy you are back online once more Would be wise for future…trees to ignore

    Like

    • colonialist says:

      Eek! Yes, cutting through a power line is never a very good idea. Of course, it is amazing how many people manage to do it with electric mowers, and come to no harm.

      Like

  5. Stephanie Haahjem says:

    My Dad would call you a “proper Charlie” were he still around!

    Like

  6. oh my, chainsaws and ladders….maybe not ever a good combination. Glad all is well and now back to “normal”.

    Like

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