A Scene Seen Not Obscene


(Day 19)

“Today we challenge you to write a paragraph that briefly recounts a story, describes the scene outside your window, or even gives directions from your house to the grocery store. Now try erasing words from this paragraph to create a poem or, alternatively, use the words of your paragraph to build a new poem.”

Right; let’s do a paragraph:

In trying describe the scene outside our cottage window, the question arises as to which one. On the study side where I now sit there is little but a wall and some pot-plants under a large bush. On the other side, the bedroom is looking out on a split-pole fence a short distance away, but softened by trees and greenery. Also on that side, a window in the lounge offers more of the same plus a glimpse of the sea at an angle. A better sea-glimpse is available from the front windows and glass doors, and there one finds views of the lawn and fishpond, backed by a row of tall trees with the guavadilla vine masking a concrete fence. Monkeys love to frequent this area. Finally, at the back of the house are tall narrow windows that merely show treetops and sky and the occasional bird.

OK, so now we chop and rearrange:

The scene outside our cottage window:
Question is, which one?
The study offers a wall and pots
Plus a bush — no fun;
The bedroom looks out on split-pole fence,
And green’ry galore,
The lounge one on that side will give
Of that, just some more;
Though a glimpse of sea is visible,
More, front can provide,
Also off’rring views of lawn and pond
Guava vine that side;
A line of tall trees form a background,
Monkeys there stand by,
High windows at the back reveal
Treetops and some sky.

Interestingly, the poem offers a reduction in word-count from 147 to 89 while saying most of what has gone into the paragraph.

© April 2018 Colonialist

About colonialist

Active septic geranium who plays with words writing fantasy novels and professionally editing, with notes writing classical music, and with riding a mountain bike, horses and dinghies. Recently Indie Publishing has been added to this list.
This entry was posted in Africa, Challenge, Gardens, Poems, Writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to A Scene Seen Not Obscene

  1. Nicely done, with a fascinating final word-count

    Like

  2. Love what you did with it!

    Like

  3. Just goes to show the power of poetry!

    Liked by 1 person

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