Colonialist’s SONA 2020


(Everyone present to be greeted by name as a preamble including the team that cleans the toilets):

The State of the Nation is:

DIRE

It has been decided to rename the Provinces.

Each will become a mini-State.

There will be:

Sad State (or Sorry State),

State of Anarchy,

State of Confusion,

State of Corruption,

Lawless State,

Hopeless State,

Failed State,

Terrible State,

Dreadful State.

Would you like to venture which province is best represented by each new State?

Before the address, a group of members in funny dress will utter repetitive inanities to see how long they can delay the start. They are such nonentities  that this is the only way they hope to be noticed.

Their theme tune will be:

‘Send in the Clowns’

IMG_20200120_112757
Yes, send in the clowns. ‘Maybe they’re here,’ for sure.
The unruly mob in their defiant boiler suits. They should use them for a good spell of manual labour.
February 2029 Colonialist
Posted in Africa | 16 Comments

TOBOGGAN RIDE THAT COST +- ONE MILLION POUNDS


I am a dangerous person to be around, in that I am given to violins. The one I play most often is a run-of-the mill Suzuki:

Suzuki Violin

My other one, that Rhiannon has been picking up the rudiments on, is something else.  Inscribed inside is

                                         ‘JOANNES BAPTISTA GUADAGNINI

                                                PLACENTINTUS MEDIALANI 1′

Guadarini Violin

‘Guadagnini?’ So what?

Only, that research tells one that he was one of the top three luthiers in the world.

‘Giovanni Battista Guadagnini (often shortened to G. B. Guadagnini; 23 June 1711 – 18 September 1786) was an Italian luthier, regarded as one of the finest craftsmen of string instruments in history. He is widely considered the third greatest maker after Antonio Stradivari and Giuseppe Guarneri “del Gesù”.’

World famous violinist David Garrett (b David Bogartz 4/9/80 Aachen, Germany) noted for holding the Guinnes world record in playing ‘Flight of the Bumblebee’ in 1 min 5.2 seconds 2015, had a love affair with a Guadagnini. He had been playing a borrowed Strad when he was offered the Guadagnini for the best part of one million pounds sterling. Regarding it as better than the Strad, he took out a loan and for a number of years a large part of every booking fee went to repaying it. It was finally his in December 2007.

Two weeks later, after a concert at the Barbican in London, he strapped the flimsy violin case onto his back and went to meet his brother, sister and parents in the car park. The steps were wet due to rain, and he went down the full flight on his back. The violin and case were crushed but saved him from injury. The horror of the loss was so great that he simply sat there for fifteen minutes, unable even to cry.

Eventually he was entranced by a Strad, even better than the Guadagnini, and that is now the violin played by him.

© February 2020 Colonialist
Posted in Africa, Colonialist, Daughters, Music, Personal Journal | 12 Comments

GRAVEL OVER; SHADECLOTH UNDER


During the time blogging and computers were not 0n the agenda, one of the garden projects undertaken was accomplished by reversing the usual order of shadecloth and gravel. The cloth prevents the gravel from burying itself in the sand base, and sufficiently careful edging makes it invisible, as seen.

© February 2020 Colonialist
Posted in Africa | 7 Comments

Race Against Time


One again loadshed time approaches at speed, and the internet is going at all the rate of a lame slug.  ‘Highlights’ of the day have been going fifty miles across Death Valley to fetch our new garden labour force (Mondays only) and show him some of the ropes, then taking Much Better Half to the doctor.  She has to go for an Ultrasound tomorrow, again the other end of town.  Health! Taken for granted until it stops, and then the devil to pay.

The rest (lots of rest!) of the time I have been filled with a strong ambition to lie down and do nothing; and that is what I have done with much energy and dedication.

Now, I think I have run out of time to get a picture in here. Oh well. One word tells a thousand pictures, or something like that.

© February 2020 Colonialist
Posted in Africa, Colonialist, verse, writing, music composition, fantasy, Africa, journal., Personal Journal | Tagged , | 5 Comments

BLACK POWER EQUALS POWER BLACKOUTS


 

For Jan the first a Really Awful Rhyme
Was meant to indicate that it was time –
Or such had been my definite decision –
To see the year with Twenty Twenty Vision!

Over an entire month blogging has become impossible. When I have the time and opportunity, I don’t have internet. When there is internet plus time and opportunity, there is a power-out due to load shedding.

After being without a phone for weeks, it was finally fixed on Friday. Guess what. Today (2nd) it is down again.

The current government is the most useless waste of air and rations ever to exist. They have managed to destroy a perfectly good power utility, a smoothly-operating railway and airline, a reliable telephone service, and a well-running public service and health administration. In their place is anarchy, wanton destruction by those who appear to suffer under the delusion that the way to gain something is to destroy it, and absurdity piled upon absurdity.

In fact, the only thing that the present regime is any good at is forming working committees, holding summits and discussion groups, and generally to exacerbate the current heatwave by generating lots of hot air. Conclusions or solutions don’t happen.

• © February 2020 Colonialist
Posted in Current Affairs, Humorous rhyme, Really Awful Rhyme | Tagged , | 6 Comments

Four Cases Solved by Sherlock Colonialist


A Shelved Project

Apart from a brief spell in the middle of the month I have been without internet and email for the entire time; reasons being too complex and numerous to list. The latest loss took place about a week ago when one of our local residents with grabbing habits swiped our cable – seen and diagnosed today by a an overburdened and frazzled technician.

Trying to catch up on everything over the past month will be a hopeless task, so I’ll just have to pick things up from here.

Anyway, the picture shows one of my projects to accommodate books written/published/edited by me, undertaken at the beginning of the month. If you think it was easy to assemble those shelves I have news for you. One plank the wrong way round and the whole thing had to be re-done.

© Colonialist January 2020
Posted in Books, Personal Journal, Wordplay | Tagged , | 13 Comments

Colonialist Died in 2019


It brings home how fleeting and transitory blogging relationships are that only two people seem to have noticed.

Anyway, a Lazarus act was effected today, as may be seen.

The reasons for the sudden departure are many and complex, and involve the effective scrapping and replacement of two computers and the total loss of internet for the period. For some time, every forward step to correct the situation involved two backwards.

Many activities have been indulged in during the ‘missing’ period, some of which may be reported upon in due course.

Swimming and Shelves featured a lot in activities over the first half of January.
© January 2020 Colonialist
Posted in Africa | 32 Comments