Dare to do a Really Awful Clerihew

(Click on appropriate section of sidebar on right for translations, writings, compositions, awards and special series.)
Just for a bit of spectacle, the kids having a splash at the pool on our nearby beach where we went for supper last evening.

Just for a bit of spectacle, the kids having a splash at the pool on our beach down the road where we went for supper last evening.

For NaPoWriMo Day Twenty Five there is an invitation to try the Clerihew. ‘These are rhymed, humorous quatrains involving a specific person’s name. You can write about celebrities, famous people from history, even your mom …’ One quoted on the Wiki link above:

‘Bentley’s first clerihew, published in 1905:

Sir Humphry Davy
Abominated gravy.
He lived in the odium
Of having discovered sodium.’

Right up my alley!  Here we go with my five:

With Charles Dickens,
The pulse quickens
In palpitations
From Great Expectations. 

Barack Hussein Obama,
Although not born a farmer,
Clears patches that are thorny
With speeches a-maize-zing-ly corny. 

David Cameron
Put a hammer on
NHS for wealth –
No-one drinks his health. 

Albert Einstein
Thought some wine fine –
Must have had a lot, to see
Into relativity! 

And a bit of self-advertisement to celebrate a preliminary printed proof version of my latest fantasy novel:

Leslie Hyla Winton Noble –
Rhyming that, one’s bent on trouble;
Trying, proves the man to be
Locked inside a fantasy.

© Colonialist April 2014 (WordPress)
Posted in Beach, Challenge, Fantasy, Grandchildren, Humorous rhyme, NaPoWriMo, Personal Journal, Really Awful Rhyme | Tagged , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Ode hear, this is Really Awfully Shakespearean

(Click on appropriate section of sidebar on right for translations, writings, compositions, awards and special series.)

It is suggested that for  NaPoWriMo  Day  Twenty Four  one should ‘write a parody or satire based on a famous poem. It can be long or short, rhymed or not. But take a favourite poem of the past, and see if you can’t re-write it on humorous, mocking, or sharp-witted lines. You can use your poem to make fun of the original (in the vein of a parody), or turn the form and manner of the original into a vehicle for making points about something else.’

I genuinely admire Shakespeare’s Odes, and of course you know I wouldn’t dream of making fun of them. Here is my ever-so-serious attempt to write one in his style:

Oh Due Win Nap Pull* 

O gorgeous orb that tempted in the days
Of first beginnings, causing mankind’s fall,
Thou yet remain what, with amaze, I graze –
I don’t blame thee for falling stuff at all;
Thou featurest in fairy tales of old:
A witch gave Snow White one that made her sleep;
They tell of William Tell whose son made bold –
(To be shot off) – one on his head to keep;
And thou canst keep physicians from my door
If I remain well faithful unto thee
By daily masticating one or more
Of thee, resplendent product of thy tree;
Thou hast lived apple-ly, and when shouldst die
Shalt rest with the Big Apple in the Sky. 

*or, maybe, ‘Ode to an Apple’?

Apple 2

© Colonialist April 2015 (WordPress)
Posted in Challenge, Humorous rhyme, NaPoWriMo, Parody, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme, Religious absurdity, Wordplay | Tagged , , , , | 11 Comments

Add New Post on Old Screen – No More Beep Beep Boop

(Click on appropriate section of sidebar on right for translations, writings, compositions, awards and special series.)

Does Beep Beep Boop drive you dilly?  Did you always go back to the older version until the option to do so on the page below disappeared?

Beep beep boop

I’m not sure how it works on later themes, but for my preferred old one here is a quick method for getting back to the other far more flexible version:

Positing My Sites Blog Posts X and Tick

On the ‘My Sites’ dropdown, you don’t go to Blog Posts but to Sharing.

Posting Sharing Post New

A new dropdown appears, and with this one the ‘Posts’ and ‘Add New’ get you into the old version, with the usual plaintive urge to use the ‘new posting experience’ – no, thank you.  The old one gives far better response and ease in operation for changing fonts and colours, adding links, and manipulating elements generally.

Dead easy – when you know how.  You have no idea how long it took me to find it out, though!

 © Colonialist April 2014 (WordPress)
Posted in Blogging tip, writing | Tagged , , , , | 13 Comments

A Really Awful Drawcard for Getting Rid of Seven Unwanted Politicians.

(Click on appropriate section of sidebar on right for translations, writings, compositions, awards and special series.)

The challenge for NaPoWriMo Day Twenty Three was to draw a card at random,  free-write for five minutes, and then compose a poem (a Really Awful Rhyme in my case) around the result.  I spent most of my five minutes in finding rhyming words, and then it fell into place.

 Seven of Spades

For finding a Jack of all trades,
Or Ace or a Queen or a King,
All hope very suddenly fades
When drawing and seeing the thing!

Emerging is Seven of Spades –
For giving some spade-fuls a fling;
Such shovels, in various grades,
Can set seven clods on the wing? 

Prefer to be one who persuades
Those clods – that we elsewhere would bring –
To push off by means of tirades,
Without digging-implement swing.

© Colonialist April 2015 (WordPress)
Posted in Challenge, Humorous rhyme, NaPoWriMo, Really Awful Rhyme, Satire | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments

Ritual Slaughter and Sacrifices – Constitutional and Legislative Amendment Needed.

(Disturbing images are included.)

In April and May each year, now, there comes a sudden upsurge of interest in these posts:

Slaughter in the Suburbs


Ritual Slaughter as a Spectacle

These slate the malpractices of ritual killing and sacrifice, and of all blood sports, and although the first one, for example, has been viewed sometimes hundreds of times a day, with a peak of 2 826 times last May, it has attracted hardly any comments to date. This indicates that the viewers were looking for support for these customs rather than to denigrate them.

I was under the misconception that Africa was providing the bulk of the interest – speculating that perhaps it was due to pending legislation or for a regularly-set subject in tertiary education. This does not appear to be the case. While South Africa does feature, a significant number of other clicks come from places like the European Union and even France and the UK.  I would love to have the explanation as to why interest peaks at this time of the year. Any good guesses?

Those who contemplate inhumane practices connected with pleasing or placating spirits or barbaric ancestors, or raising some mystical energy, or in commemoration of some (undoubtedly spurious) scriptural event, or in response to a supposed commandment by some deity or prophet, are under a severe misconception. Any god or whatever who requires such practices would be unworthy of veneration and should only attract loathing and contempt. Having created something, a god requires that a part of that something be destroyed simply in order to demonstrate how much you worship him/her/it? Despicable.

Sacrifice 2Sacrifice 1

Unfortunately, human nature is such that inflicting harm, or watching it inflicted, is something that is enjoyed.  Having a religious or tradition-driven pretext for that harm is therefore valued by people who are prepared to submerge their intellects in order that their base instincts can climb on top of the intellects and drown them.

sacrifice 3

It is astonishing that in this modern age there has yet to be a widespread overturning of the exemptions given in national constitutions regarding archaic rights of religions or cultures.  Legislation should take precedence over ‘custom’ in all matters where the ‘cultural’ or religious practices conflict with humane, health, hygienic, or safety standards, or provide undue inconvenience to non-adherents.  Rights to rites should be limited.

© Colonialist April 2015 (WordPress)
Posted in Africa, Current Affairs, Religious absurdity | Tagged , , , , , | 15 Comments

NaPoWriMo Day Twenty Two – Pastoral – Really Awful and Maybe Not

Green Wheat Field - June 1889 - Vincent van Gogh (Wiki)

Green Wheat Field – June 1889 – Vincent van Gogh (Wiki)

NaPoWriMo Day Twenty Two has a challenge to write a ‘Pastoral’ poem.  Always one for saving labour, I thought I could just use three of mine I happen to have in stock …

Green Wheatfields (semi-serious)

Green wheatfields rippling joyously in balmy summer breeze
Vouchsafe a sight to soothe the soul, and put the heart at ease –
Except for farmers, waiting every day in morbid gloom
For Russians to invade and bring those verdant growths to doom;
They know that wheatfields, even those that are the very best,
Are subject to destruction by the Russian Aphid pest;
McCarthyism is with every farmer closely wed –
A constant fear they must beware a Red within their bed!

 Green Wheatfields – a Pastoral Poem

 See waves of wind that wash across

Those vivid fields of verdant green

In rippling sweeps and dancing swathes;

Hypnotic, like the sea; a scene

Of restfulness with action twinned,

And constant movement in the wind;

A microcosm in a glorious spread

Of surging life-forms, out of which are fed

So many; yet the movement is untrue –

For they are rooted where they’ve always been.

Green Wheatfields –
The height of Really Awful Trite

 green wheatfields in the summer sun
are lovely each and every one
and after work when day is done
you sneak in there to have some fun

© Colonialist – 2008 – April 2015 (WordPress)
Posted in Challenge, Humorous rhyme, NaPoWriMo, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme, verse, writing | Tagged , , , , | 16 Comments

Poem from Snippets from Baa Baa Black Belt

Hey – I have to rush.  Five minutes to lights-out!

The NaPoWriMo Day 21  challenge is to take snippets out of a page of something to make a poem.  I grabbed a random page of my Baa Baa Black Belt fantasy, and then made sure my result rhymed.  It does, if you look closely.  In fact, the sense was secondary, but it makes a weird kind of one!

Baa Page

Baa Snippet Poem

OK, set out conventionally and with a title:

Desperate need of a combat-trained lamb.

Thinking last night
That he’s one to look for
‘Witch’ could be right
One  went that night to check:
It’s one of four
Near those dead ahead –
Two senses of the word!
It was all black,
Easily he said –
Comes to desperate need;
You must have heard.

© Colonialist April 2015 (WordPress)
Posted in Challenge, Fantasy, NaPoWriMo, novel idea for a poem, Wordplay | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments