The prompt for today from NaPoWriMo is to “write a poem consisting entirely of things you’d like to say, but never would, to a parent, lover, sibling, child, teacher, roommate, best friend, mayor, president, corporate CEO, etc.”  My response is aimed, very generally, at anyone I don’t particularly like:

 You quite unmitigated twit,
You aperture on which we sit,
And other parts quite near the bit
From which emerges all your … lit-
-tle chunks with such an awful smell
(And which you could be called as well,
In fact, if one the truth must tell!)
You should be kept inside a zoo,
Except that all the warthogs do
Not want to be observed with you,
Because you’re far too ugly to:
They’d run away pell-mell! 

You’re such a lump of toxic waste,
That everyone who’s with you faced
Departs in quite some frantic haste
And far from you thereafter’s placed;
No brains are found within your head,
But something there has been long dead –
(Your breath proves this, it may be said!)
Romance for you will not exist,
For even if a partner’s pissed
You are not going to be kissed;
So, as you never will be missed,
Go shoot yourself, instead!

On a lighter, or greener, note, we spent most of the day in judging gardens in a local retirement village, and here are a couple of those viewed:

Doone Village April 2013 091 Doone Village April 2013 026 Doone Village April 2013 063 © Colonialist April 2013 (WordPress)

About colonialist

Active septic geranium who plays with words writing fantasy novels and professionally editing, with notes writing classical music, and with riding a mountain bike, horses and dinghies.
This entry was posted in Challenge, Gardens, Humour, Nonsense verse, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme. Bookmark the permalink.


  1. optie says:

    Very witty poems Col, trouble is it would probably go right over the head of the intended recipient :)
    I want your job judging gardens, what a pleasure to be among all that beauty of nature tamed.


  2. Zirkie says:

    Lovely gardens, Col! …. but the poem? …. no,no, no!


  3. Did it feel good to get that off your chest? I can imagine – feel it all the way up here! ;)
    Let the light green mellow things down, these gardens are very nice.


  4. Well that certainly is telling ’em. Beautiful gardens!


  5. susielindau says:

    Do you feel better now???
    The garden is a serene contrast! :)


  6. I sincerely hope you never fall out with me. Masterly put down!


  7. 68ghia says:

    Both the poem and the gardens ;-)


  8. Sonel says:

    Exactly how I feel Col and you’re expressed it so well! Love the photo’s of the gardens my friend. They’re beautiful. :) *hugs*


  9. bulldog says:

    Geeez… someone pissed you off… love the gardens…


  10. nrhatch says:

    Bwahaha! But how do you REALLY feel?


  11. Arkenaten says:

    Ah…and now I see the relevance of the comprehensive insult. :)
    Pell-mell. I haven’t heard that expression in years. One of those that rank alongside doolally.
    The gardens are beautiful. There’s a gardening program on Thursday mornings on SABC 3. Ever watched it?
    It’s a good show. Worth a look.


  12. Colline says:

    You poem expresses exactly the reaction I have to some people. After meeting up with them I surely need to relax in those stunning gardens.


  13. melouisef says:

    I know a few humans that I can send this to :)

    What stunning gardens!


  14. SidevieW says:

    I think I will stay with the gardens


  15. Goodness! You don’t pull your punches, Col! Remind me to stay firmly on your good side!


  16. bluebee says:

    I love a good insult. Reading this was cathartic, haha. And then all those thoughts disappeared when looking at those lovely photos :-)


  17. footsy2 says:

    Gorgeous gardens. Poor Col. You have such a tough life. :-)


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