Turtle Disaster Really Awfully Reversed


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The final day – NaPoWriMo Day Thirty.  Here we have a prompt to ‘… take a poem you’ve already written, and flip the order of the lines and from there, edit it so the poem now works with its new order.’

I’ve chosen a simple one of mine titled ‘Turtle Disaster’.  This is the original:

500px-Alice_par_John_Tenniel_34

Turtles are a kind of tortoise
That all live under the wortoise;
Turtles through these waters race,
For they move in car-apace!
In the ocean see her hurtle –
Should you flip ‘er, she’s turned turtle;
Turtles, right way up, must be
Mock ones, therefore, you agree?
Turtles are a sorry group –
Often land up in the soup.

The reversed version (reversion?), with minimal modification, does kinda work, but I don’t think quite as well as the one above.

325px-Green_turtle_swimming_in_Kona_May_2010

Often landing up in soup,
Turtles are a sorry group;
Mock ones, therefore, you agree,
Turtles right way up must be –
Should you flip ‘er, she’s turned turtle!
In the ocean see her hurtle,
For they move in car-apace
As they through these waters race –
Living all under the wortoise,
Turtles are a kind of tortoise?

Today has been taken up with the seventh birthday of Granddaughter R, and about five hours of a seminar about statues, and has had some exciting news regarding something I have edited recently … but all of that will have to come into a new month.  I am not just bushed – more like forested enough to rival the Amazon jungle!

© Colonialist April 2015 (WordPress)
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About colonialist

Active septic geranium who plays with words writing fantasy novels and professionally editing, with notes writing classical music, and with riding a mountain bike, horses and dinghies.
This entry was posted in Challenge, Humorous rhyme, NaPoWriMo, Really Awful Rhyme and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Turtle Disaster Really Awfully Reversed

  1. The Asian says:

    I stick to my theory that originals are usually better than their “remixes”. Happy birthday to not so little R!

    Like

  2. I must say, the flipped version is fine. But keep the turtle right side up! Happy day to all! 🙂

    Like

  3. Loved your reverse order the most. “Wortoise” really made me smile. 😀 Happy birthday to Little R your Swimming Star. 🙂

    Like

  4. Patrecia (with an E) says:

    You have made a great endeavor
    I think your poem is rather clever

    I think your poem is rather clever
    you have made a great endeavor

    Well done that is good

    I

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Andrew says:

    I don’t like this New Word Order talk. They want to put the whole globe under their evil dominion.
    Even poetry…

    Like

  6. inktuition says:

    I love the reverse more. It’s kind of edgy and plays with the flip’er and right way up lines. Awesome.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh how you’ve entertained me yet again this year! It has been an absolute pleasure. I’ve enjoyed your work and hope to ‘see you around’ 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Colline says:

    I prefer the original poem as well

    Like

  9. Your reversal works well. I took one look at the prompt and turned tail.

    Like

  10. Kev says:

    Love the poems. Very creative reverse version. Now I can’t make up my mind which one I like best! 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I think I like the second one better. Somehow the line “Often landing up in soup” works better as an opening than a closing. It makes me care more about the poor turtle, I think, and so be more invested in the rest of the poem. (Also, I like your word for the reversed version.) Peace, Linda

    Liked by 2 people

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