REALLY AWFUL IRISH CATS


OscarA cat is a creature with pins on its paws;
A rather nice set of sharp fangs in its jaws;
  You make them disjointed,
  Responses are pointed -
You pause with the jaws and the claws as the cause!

When love on the senses of cats there may fall,
They like to stand tall while they’re having a ball;
  When cats caterwaul
  They give it their all -
Their bawl makes one crawl with them right up their wall!

© Colonialist Apr 2009 Revised Sept 2014 (WordPress)
Posted in Cats, Humour, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Welsh Rabbit!


Spring has sprung, and grass is rizzy -

With mowers we will soon be bizzy?

Welsh rabbit

This picture is to say Rabbit – but this month I’ll do it in Welsh.

‘Aha!’ I hear you cry triumphantly.  ‘That isn’t “rabbit”, it’s “rarebit”!’

Not so, smarty-pants.  It started out in the fifteen hundreds as ‘rabbit’ and then the silly-PC-type-language-Nazis pointed out that it isn’t really a rabbit, so people started calling it ‘rarebit’.  As if a toad-in-the-hole is actually a toad!  Or a strip of bread dipped in boiled egg yolk is a real soldier!

The picture was lifted from here, where a wonderful recipe (it includes beer!) and some good giggles are available.

© Colonialist September 2014 (WordPress)
Posted in Food, Humour, Really Awful Rhyme | Tagged , , , , , , | 22 Comments

Targeted by a mischievous demon.


Last week's completed project - tiled kitchen.  Carpeting to follow.

Last week’s completed project – tiled kitchen. Carpeting to follow.

Much time has been spent on home-to-be this week.  Above is one result.

A weekend high(low)light:
I want access through some private land and applied by email for a key, as invited on a notice at the (Fort Knox-type) entrance.  Yesterday a reply came with a set of agreements and indemnities requiring that these, plus ID docs, be delivered to 49 Gloople street between the hours of 08h00 and 15h00 hours over weekends. 

I do a double-take at that.  Yip, that is definitely what it says. 

Oh, dear. 

My printer won’t print, because it is demanding a cartridge.  So I shoot off to my pet printer shop to get one of the ones they keep in stock for me to fire my Canon.  Oops – it is the only one missing from their supply. 

‘No panic – email the attachments you received to us, and we’ll print them for you tomorrow.’ 

Duly done, and I collect the various copies this morning.  Now, I need to save them to file.  Scanner refuses, with cartridge as an excuse.  ‘But I don’t WANT to print; only scan!’ I wail.  Printer switches itself off in response. 

Never mind, I’ll just deliver the documents, I resolve.  I sign my life away on the documents now printed (doing a bit of editing on them, where there are errors in grammar, legality, and sense), and go there.  Gloople Street has a 51 and a 47.  No 49.   There is, however, a house beyond with no number.  It has locked gates and no signs of life.  Finally, after I make many noises, life appears.  I explain my errand.  ‘Next door!’ the occupant snaps, and vanishes. 

I go back to 47 and seek any means of entry.  None exist.  I activate their dogs.  That works, and a nice lady eventually appears.  She explains that the upstairs part of 47 is actually 49.  However, the occupant is wandering gaily overseas, as is her wont, and the person who attends to business like mine appears during the appointed hours – over weekDAYS!   Sympathetic noises are made when I explain the effort I have gone to in order to deliver over the weekend.  ‘She does tend to get a bit confused,’ I am told. 

I don’t blame the globetrotting lady.  I blame this blithering little rascal of a demon who is having fun messing with my mentality, such as it may be. 

Anyway, I did some energetic exercise with my self-serviced chainsaw, and had the pleasure of discovering that the sea glimpses from our new property will actually be more than glimpses by the time I finish. 

© Colonialist August 2014 (WordPress)
Posted in Humour, Ocean, Personal Journal | Tagged , , , | 27 Comments

Friends for Tea and Patriotic Privates


Table boarder.

Unconcerned that human guest and I are sitting at the table.

Our visitors for tea
Don’t always take a seat –
Some use the table, see?
I think that’s kind of neat.

 

Two friends for tea

He takes gently and politely.

Here Minky reaches out
To take a little snack -
Base leaves one in no doubt
That colonies are back …

Great envy is aroused
In breasts of me and you,
To see ‘equipment’ shades
Of bright red, white and blue!

© Colonialist August 2014 (WordPress)
Posted in Gardens, Humour, Nature, Really Awful Rhyme, Wordplay | Tagged , , , , | 20 Comments

Weekly Photo Challenge: Dialogue: Daisy Daze Days …


I thought these two studies of not eating the daisies do have some discourse with one another?  For more Dialogue interpretations, go to the Weekly Photo Challenge here.

Rhiannon and daisies 008

Rhiannon and daisies 009

© Colonialist August 2014 (WordPress)
Posted in Gardens, Grandchildren, Personal Journal, Photography, Weekly Photo Challenge | Tagged , , , | 31 Comments

Disservice and Disrepair – Really Awful


All service and repairs
And purchases of spares
Provide a great excuse
For customer abuse! 

One, lacking knowledge, must
Place in such folk one’s trust,
And really must despise
Technicians telling lies. 

They tell you glibly that
The gleeblewort’s gone flat,
And putting new one in
Will cost a heap of tin.

Meantime, one nut made tight
Will put the whole thing right,
But gleeblewort full cost
Is what you now have lost. 

So, who can one believe
Is not out to deceive?
The only person who
Won’t rip you off is … you! 

I need to cut a number of trees and branches in our new property to enable pooch-proof fences or wall-raisings to go up.  My (t)rusty chainsaw gave up after the priming bulb went brittle and broke.  Then the fun started.  I went to three ‘reputable’ mower etc repair places in succession.  Responses ranged from trying to sell me a new one, to excuses regarding ‘special tools’, to claims that the parts were unobtainable.  Finally I left it with one who said they would have to order the part from Outer Mongolia or somewhere at the cost of both arms and legs, but they then phoned to say it was unobtainable and that, in any case, they didn’t have the tools for the job.  (This is not a backyard-type operation, by the way, but one of the biggies.)

Chainsaw primer

To cut a long story short (using a chainsaw haha), I took it back from them and then – cursing, because I don’t have the time -did my own dissection, finding that there was little difficulty in removing the primer.  In fact, I did it all with the Leatherman multi-tool I carry on my belt.  Then I traced an agent I hadn’t known about, on the other side of town, who said they had a part which would probably fit.  I took a hike across Death Valley to get there, and could see that the part was perfectly suited.  It cost me – wait for it – R21-00 or the equivalent of about $2-00.  The spark plug I added to the purchase cost more!  And the helpful staff threw in a chainguard and a plug spanner – full marks to them.

After my return, I installed the parts with little difficulty.

Primer closeup 

Now, I just hope all of those fibbers will need my own expertise for editing or something so that I can give them tit for tat.  I gather some of them may be affiliated to a rival brand, and are trying to spread alarm and disinformation.

On the same trip, I picked up my repaired Sony Handycam with which I took the above pictures at night without flash.  I do hope there was no rip-off involved in that one – but they did hand me two squiggly bits of electronic equipment to show what had been replaced to restore the screen to operation.

© Colonialist August 2014 (WordPress)
Posted in Current Affairs, Personal Journal, Really Awful Joke | Tagged , , , , , | 36 Comments

A Little Biting Really Awful Humour.


Flea ex Wiki

A flea has an interesting life – 
 He gets to see very much more
 Than any man usually does of his wife,
And goes where no man’s gone before.

While lady fleas may spend their days
 In looking at something quite small, 
At times tall erections can well fill their gaze, 
And nights can be just one long ball.

If victims have had nip-and-tuck
 A flea will not mind at all much -
 Enjoys it, in fact, to go running amuck
In nipping the tucks, flaps and such.

Some fleas keep abreast of the times,
While others get rather bum deals,
But both can get caught and bumped off in their primes,
‘Midst outraged and furious squeals.

So, ‘Fleadom for all!’ is the cry,
Be kinder to these little pests;
With loose, unwashed clothing you’ll find, bye-and-bye,
A good population infests.

© Colonialist July 2007 Revised August 2014 (WordPress)
Posted in Humour, Nonsense verse, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme | Tagged , , , | 26 Comments