Ups and Downs of the Really Awfullest

But first a spawntaneous Wordless Wednesday contribution:

Being toad - matrimony with strings attached.

Being toad – matrimony with strings attached.

Wordless Wednesday



And now:


The English are most awful clowns
Who do not know their ups from downs;
When up to mischief, or no good,
Low-down behaviour’s what they would
Describe it as, so ‘down’ should be
What they’re to mischief, actually,
And ‘down to no good’ must be used
For language not to be abused.

An arsonist must have a pain
To do with ups and downs, again -

A building that he sets alight
Is burning up, is that not right?
But when razed to the ground – !?* – is done,
It has burnt down, says everyone!
These ups and downs, you must agree,
Defy the law of gravity. 

Comeuppance is what one receives
From retribution, one believes?

But retribution’s not a gift
To give one any sort of lift;
In fact you can be sure that it
Will drop you down into the … grit!
So, thus, ‘godownance’ is far more
What one would set down as that score? 

A man who’s uppity must need
To be put down with greatest speed,

While, when one alcohol has downed,
One will get higher with each round;
In law, the upshot of a trial
Could have you ‘sent down’ for a while,
And if containers you upset,
The contents will go down, you bet! 

Then, if a bill you come to pay,
You ‘settle up’, is what you say;

Once settled up, the debts you owe
Immediately downward go!
But if, instead, you should refuse
To pay, could anyone accuse
That you have ‘settled down’ instead?
No; ‘settle down’ you do in bed! 

Though ‘uptight’ tells that one is stressed,
One cannot, ‘Get downloose!’ suggest,

And if downtown you care to go,
Upmarket areas there show;
A good upbringing does not mean
Some bad downtaking could be seen …
With ups and downs like this, one doubts
You’re in to try out ins and outs!

(For example:

If someone is out to get you,
Then in trouble you may be;

When indecent, you can bet you
Outrage inadvertently,
While in tears means he upset you,
And is out of sympathy …
Oh, in heaven’s name, forget you
Started out such lunacy!)

*If you can raze things to the ground,
Then, pray do tell me why
It cannot equally be found
You knock down to the sky? 

© Colonialist (Apr 2009) Revised September 2014 (WordPress)
Posted in Colonialist, verse, writing, music composition, fantasy, Africa, journal., Humour, Language, Personal Journal, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme, Weekly Photo Challenge, Wordplay | Tagged , , , | 16 Comments

Really Awful Humanity

For the Weekly Photo Challenge, we have: Humanity.

Trespasser 1 Trespasser 2 


It takes all sorts, or takes all kinds,
To make a world, is what one finds;
But then, there is a kind of sort
Which, to exist, just didn’t ought.

When trespassers come on my scene,
They wish that they had never been;
I tell them that their photograph
Is sure to give the cops a laugh.

They then lose interest in their scams,
And each one very swiftly scrams;
They dislike images to be
Thus captured for posterity.

© Colonialist September 2014 (WordPress)
Posted in Personal Journal, Photography, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme, Weekly Photo Challenge | Tagged , , , , , | 32 Comments

Trilingual six word story challenge – DIY

Raised fence

DOLDRIEST has set the topic as DIY for her latest ultra-flash-fiction challenge, which requires a six-word story supported by a picture.  I am doing my story in Dutch, Afrikaans and English.  (The picture speaks all of them.)

Lage muur hoger; honden thuis blijven!

Lae muur hoër; honde bly tuis!

Low wall higher; dogs stay home!

I do hope this invention (self and DIY friend), and construction and fitting (the DIY friend), is going to prove collie-proof!  It will be noted why I needed to fix my chainsaw – that pile foreground right had to be removed to allow the raisers to fit.

 © Colonialist September 2014 (WordPress)
Posted in Challenge, Dogs, Flash Fiction, Personal Journal, Photography, Short story | Tagged , , , | 26 Comments

(Inadvertently untitled) Of cool pix, editing and Elgar.

Durban Harbour

Durban Harbour on zoom

Something which caused me great sorrow was when my Nikon Coolpix, bought on a visit to the UK, suddenly started featuring pubs … er, bars … across every picture.  I was particularly fond of it because of the extreme battery life, plus the fact that it came with a spare one of those anyway.  It has been a staple for my blog.

I recently took it in for repairs.  After the quote, and I had been picked up off the floor and revived with smelling-salts and whatnot, it was suggested that for less than that cost I could get another more modern Coolpix – and also with a spare battery.  I sighed, and disrupted the lives of the moths in my pocket.

The above gives two views taken from the home of Br-and-Sr-i-l.  Normal, and zoom.  The central palm tree gives a reference point  Not bad, for something that can easily be slipped into a shirt pocket!

New home renovations etc are proceeding apace, and reports and pictures will follow.  I am still involved in a most exciting editing project which is coming to a head.   There is a deadline, because the celebrity author wants to take it to the Frankfurt Book Fair in October but the last chapters are yet to be written!

My driving listening at the moment is the saved fragments of the unfinished Third Symphony of Elgar.  It blows my mind.  What a tragedy he fell ill and died before he could complete it.  From the very first notes, there is a surging energy – a feeling of urgent purpose and a sort of inexorability …

In contrast, The Spanish Lady, his incomplete opera also on the same DVD, is lighter with some really enchanting melodies.

© Colonialist September 2014 (WordPress)
Posted in Editing, Ocean, Personal Journal, Photography, Writing | Tagged , , , , , | 16 Comments

Mainly from Oz these Really Awful Creatures Woz


Platypus cropped

If pandas emanate from
And panderingly sing with
 a euphonium,
Emus-ingly, while emus
 emu-late them too
In voices that would truly
 make a kanga rue
The hearing of it; how, then,
 could Koala Bear
To ko-al’a way to hear it
 and not bear a share?
A platypus might build on
 with its ducky bill –
Though neither puss, nor platy,
 he’d get quacking still!
If gaiters worn in alleys
 alligators are,
As snappy wear for ankles
 they’d be up to par!
They’d join the kookaburras
 in the panda’s song;
But surely cooking burros
 in a pan does wrong? 

(This scene’s set in Australia,
 where they’re barking mad;
‘Cept pandas come from China …
 but they’re just as bad.)

*You were warned!
© Colonialist (May 2009) Revised September 2014 (WordPress)
Posted in Humour, Language, Nonsense verse, Really Awful Rhyme, Wordplay | Tagged , , , | 19 Comments

Liver Bit Dangerously – a Really Awful Laugh!

Laughing hyena


When hyenas near to a river

Do a ‘Stand and de-liver’, then,

To tear your guts and eat your liver,

They’d be acting as highwaymen?


After that, if thirst overcame them -

Salty livers for this one would thank -

On their way, one can hardly blame them

For laughing all the way to the bank!

© Colonialist September 2014 (WordPress)
Posted in Humour, Nature, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme, Wordplay | Tagged , , , , | 22 Comments


OscarA cat is a creature with pins on its paws;
A rather nice set of sharp fangs in its jaws;
  You make them disjointed,
  Responses are pointed -
You pause with the jaws and the claws as the cause!

When love on the senses of cats there may fall,
They like to stand tall while they’re having a ball;
  When cats caterwaul
  They give it their all -
Their bawl makes one crawl with them right up their wall!

© Colonialist Apr 2009 Revised Sept 2014 (WordPress)
Posted in Cats, Humour, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme | Tagged , , , , | 24 Comments