Although it may be certain that your fitters and your turners
Are frequently not fit to turn out greatest of the earners,
There’s something in their turning fits puts ladies in a tizz –
But really, for the life of me, I can’t think what it is.
Cat-burglary’s a strange pursuit; it has an income that
One must assume depends upon the value of the cat?
A Siamese would probably give claws to meet your match –
It’s not the sort of business that you’d want to start from scratch.
A chicken-sexer does not offer chickens any sex –
The offspring, if he did, you’d have to take and wring their necks -
His task is to determine which is female, which is male;
(I wonder if, these days, they offer gay ones up for sale?)
In being a receptionist you have to find the art
Of terrifying people till they piss off with a fa hastily depart;
No, never make them welcome, or assist in any way -
Ensure, with poor reception, no ex-static sort of day.
Pro golfers tend to be a little edgy, on the (w)hole;
Like cavemen, carry clubs, with which they then a fair way stroll;
They like to aim at birdies with a silly little ball,
And cheer when they hit eagles – that’s not up to par at all!
A striking personality trade-union leaders need;
Ability to toi-toi well, and discontentment breed –
Good members who enjoy their jobs you’ll never ever find;
The ‘wekkers on the ground’ should feel they’re wekking in a grind!
Top corporate executives don’t need to know too much;
Their corpulence they build through having dinners out and such;
Execute-ive ability that they must never lack
Is: smiling face-to-face the while they stab you in the back!
A cashier, in days of old, would write up ev’ry bill;
This went on till things til-ted to a ring-up on a till;
Now cashiers can do all by scan; dis-carded is that skill;
With cards and such there isn’t much of cash for cashiers still!
The occupations these days which are largely in the vogue
Are doing crime, or creaming as a fraudulent-type rogue,
And more and more one finds that what is done with greatest pride
Is, though you draw your wages, to remain unoccupied.