Yes women are a handy sort of
thing to have around
Although the right ones are a little
thin upon the ground
They mustn’t be the slightest trace of
the complaining sort
But able to keep coming all the
beers while you watch sport
And comment with intelligence should
Someone miss a pass
Like saying, ‘Is the ****er blind?
Come on! Get off your ****!’
They must ensure the house is spotless
and the beds are made
The table and themselves should be quite
regularly laid
When waking up each day should also
fully made-up be
And be prepared for fun and games
before the morning tea
Their hair stays perfectly in place
and they must always smell
As fresh as a spring morning and a
perfumed one as well
They’ll always look so gorgeous that the
men all stop and stare
What joy when, ‘That’s the missus,’ you are
able to declare
Expensive shopping trips they do not
think to undertake
Of course they are quite brilliant when they
start to cook or bake
They always feed your ego and your
tummikins as well
And do not seem to notice if that
part begins to swell
Quite unreservedly on you they
fulsome praises launch
And never seem to notice you’ve a
sadly sagging paunch
They will regard as sexy that you’re
losing lots of hair
And smile and look the other way when
you have an affair
If very late you should come home from
night out with the boys
They will not chide or indicate you’re
making too much noise
And if they must have children, then at
least they’ll find a way
To keep the brats from bugging you at
any time of day
They’ll also make quite certain that should
visit Ma-in-Law
Quite well before you get back home she
will be shown the door
Of course it would be handy if they
have a great career
Which keeps you all in luxury and
you in ample beer
And if they these accomplishments much
further would adorn
They’d undertake to fix the car and
also mow the lawn
I must admit my own dear spouse does
lack some of these traits
But do I love her all the same? Ah
let me count the ways!
© Colonialist August 2013 (WordPress)
Colonialist's Blog 
A hilarious insight in the workings of the male’s mind and wishes hahahaaaaa.
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One can dream …
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I love this bit of fun, Col. (It was meant to be in fun, wasn’t it?) 😀
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Nay, verily. This is a serious wish-list! 🙂
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Nevertheless, it’s absolutely brilliant. 🙂
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Yay! Long live imperfect but lovable spouses!
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One which had all the earlier qualifications would actually be very boring!
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Great save at the end there Col… thought you were digging yourself a bit of a hole … great poem though…
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One develops a strong sense of self-preservation after fifty years or so …
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Men certainly do not expect a lot Col! hehehehe
Great rhyme my friend. 😀 *hugs*
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No, just the simple pleasures in life!
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hahahaha my word.. I’m part of that thin group that choose to stay away from being owned like this…
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How disappointing! 🙂
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Here ya go, Col . . . they’re all yours:
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Right – thanks a stack!
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Late last night, I penned a few responses, but heavy lids caused my fingers to slip and slide, making it most difficult to write a cogent and reasoned response . . .
. . . I suggest you use a similar defense.
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Didn’t you notice? I put in an escape clause …
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A man has to start somewhere, and I like your plan. Much as with whittling, there is often the more for the less though? Or is that what we tell ourselves to make the world square with reason and our other tools? *grins*
I noted you touched a nerve or three, in various ways. Something I hope brings you some small pride. Wonderful work and no small dose of daring do to add finials to a fine finish.
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It is strange how few of the ladies seem to appreciate my guidance towards being really effective in their roles?
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Meh, forget em’. Who needs them anyway! Wait, what was the topic?
And they are cute when hunting bear. I still dither on whether they know it’s a trap? Urhm, one we lose if they take the bait somehow? *hamsters spinning now* If only they knew.
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Methinks they are even cuter when hunting bare …
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I’ve read through all the comments
And can see that I am right
You are looking for perfection
But that is not in sight
If you can find a Mrs
with so little flaws
She could appear to be an Angel
But underneath she has great claws……watch out
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Haha – I would have claws to be afraid, be very afraid!
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Jy soek kak, ne?
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Nee, ek sê maar net!
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BB ~ You nailed it! Col is trying to stir up a hornet’s nest while proclaiming innocent intent. I’m glad you managed to sort out the testicles from the tentacles. 😆
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yes well..
Looking at all the criteria you’ve set down so masterfully Col, I lack in most of them.
Possibly why I’m still, for all intents and purposes, a singlish gal 🙂
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Ah, well there you go then. Just follow the instructions and Bob’s your uncle – I mean, devoted boyfriend.
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Pfft!!!
As if!
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Well, I mean, if you don’t want to put a teensy bit of effort into it …
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Effort? What you describe is not effort as much as it is self-flagellation Col 🙂
I’m not the martyr type 😉
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Spoken like a true chauvinist 😉 😆
Good thing you had the sense to add the last lines.
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Moi?
I do believe in insurance!
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you don’t have enough sick leave available……
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Don’t need it – I can run faster than you can!
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not me, all women
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Hilarious! I particularly enjoyed the bit about the table and themselves being laid – most witty!
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Thanks – those words did play quite nicely!
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Thank goodness you added that last verse!
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Iinstinct of self-preservation!
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Methinks I prefer to remain silent, oh dear, oh dear 😀 !
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You have the right to remain silent, indeed, but is is the right rite to write about in order to know right from left out:?
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I did ask you SO nicely not to, too!
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Your poem reminds me of this . . .
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That’s better!
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Men like the ones on the nearly-top floor don’t exist!
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of course not
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Bwahaha! That’s telling him, Sidey.
Col’s description of the perfect woman also reminds me of The Stepford Wives . . . robotic women designed and created to appease the bottomless male ego.
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indeed the male fantasy!
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