Really awfully dead serious

Pooky’s Poems prompt for yesterday called for a serious topic in a lighthearted way

There are a lot of people
  it would really make my day
To terminate their contracts
  in a painful, messy way.
The rhino poachers I would take
  and slice off every nose,
Removing, for good measure,
  each one’s dangly blobs and ‘hose’.

The users of their products could
  with rat-poison be killed,
And rear-ends of the smugglers
  with boiling water filled.

They all are public enemies,
   so, fitting it would be
To give them public enemas
  with what one makes the tea.

Then rapists, too, should all have parts
  removed from lower front,
By using bits of cutlery
  particularly blunt.

And burglars barred, by having heads
  stuck right through burglar bars,
Then tapped at with a crowbar
  until they’re seeing stars.

And after that, invited
  to go their merry way,
With only one proviso –
  that their head would have to stay.

Car hijackers could find a blade
  which jumps out, on a spring,
To take off both their legs,
  and a career cut short to bring.

So many others are there
  who would greatly be improved
By having little chunks of them
  quite violently removed.

Yes; though no space to list them all,
  I hope to start a craze
For culling all such types in most
   imaginative ways.

Victoria Lake (picture Tripadvisor)

Victoria Lake (picture Tripadvisor)

And regarding the one for today, on how one met one’s partner, all I need to give is the above picture, referred to in the poem, and a link.  I wrote waltz music to go with it, too:  Anniversary Waltz

© Colonialist May 2014 (WordPress)

About colonialist

Active septic geranium who plays with words writing fantasy novels and professionally editing, with notes writing classical music, and with riding a mountain bike, horses and dinghies. Recently Indie Publishing has been added to this list.
This entry was posted in Challenge, Poems, Really Awful Rhyme, Satire and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

60 Responses to Really awfully dead serious

  1. bluebee says:

    Whoa! Remind me never to get on the wrong side of you.
    Of course, having left the country because of those dastardly hijackers and burglars, and bottom-feeding-scum rapists, I totally empathize. And the poachers and their customers can be boiled in rhino poo as far as I’m concerned – poetically, of course.


  2. equinoxio21 says:

    And urban taggers should be stripped naked, painted with their own can and released in the streets of Soweto, or Tepito. 🙂


  3. nrhatch says:

    Poetic Justice!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I met someone today who would top my list, Col. I’m still trying to wash the nasty off.


  5. Wow, Col! Vicious! But it’s hard not to empathise, particularly about the rhino poachers.


  6. Good riddance for the banes of humanity, though who would be strong enough of will and weak of conscience to carry it out?


  7. Zeppie says:

    Daai vetgatte in die parlement se lekker stoele moet weg gevat word en hulle moet op harde houtblokke sit…sodat hulle minder aan die slaap kan raak


  8. gpcox says:

    Yes, Yes and what was my answer? Oh yeah – YES!!


  9. bulldog says:

    I love this.. it should be sent to parliament for their ratification…


  10. PookyH says:

    Lots of ouches but also lots of ‘uhuh’s as i read this… I cannot help but agree.


  11. 68ghia says:

    Many are the ways of getting rid of vermin.
    I have a few choice methods myself 🙂


  12. Eeeuw!! This sounds like a poetic horror movie. I think you should apply for the position of ‘Minister of Law and Order’. No doubt there would then be lots of politicians with missing digits, after having been caught with their fingers in the pie. Quite a delicious thought. 😛


  13. Blunt cutlery is a damn fine idea!


  14. Sonel says:

    You are a man to my own heart Col. Exactly how I feel! Well said and excellent poem! Great photo of such a lovely sight. Just the way I like it. 😀


  15. ddupl3ss1s says:

    sal ek nou sela of amen op hierdie een !


  16. The Asian says:

    And armed robbers should have their arms chopped off!


  17. melouisef says:

    But I wanted to add some people only use up oxygen and I call them people because animals don’t do that. …


  18. melouisef says:

    Beautiful scene!


  19. Arkenaten says:

    I don’t like reading things about the rhinos. It makes me too sad these days. Sorry…


  20. disperser says:

    I object to the idea someone who would volunteer to “clean up” the world of the individuals mentioned would necessarily themselves be evil.

    . . . I mean, I don’t think I’m evil, and I would gladly volunteer. I think I would be good at it, although not in the ways you list . . . that might be evil. I would go for quick and efficient.

    Alas, we live in an imperfect world, where the bad guys have too few qualms, and the good guys have too many.


  21. misswhiplash says:

    The people you would cut
    into pieces big and small
    Would all deserve what they have get
    or hang them from the wall
    They really are so bad, not humankind at all
    I can, t imagine anyone who so low could fall
    but they should get their just deserts
    hitting them hard where it hurts


  22. Pussycat44 says:

    Aaahhh, so there’s a poetically cruel streak in you!

    The people I could cut
    in pieces great and small
    Are those called service providers
    Who really do bugger-all.


  23. suzicate says:

    Good job on the poem challenge! There is much evil in the world; I don’t know why people choose to do some of these things. Fortunately, there are a lot of good people in the world, too.
    Love, love, love the photo, absolutely gorgeous!


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